Turtle Keziah

Farewell, Blogspot!

2011-08-29T00:27:00.002+08:00

This will be the last blog entry that I will be posting here in Blogspot as I have decided to transfer to Wordpress for some reason. I don't have anything against Blogspot. I just think I needed another venue to start anew.

When I said goodbye to my Friendster blog, I took the posts with me and dumped them in Kring's Recycle Bin which is my other blog here in Blogspot. But in transferring to Wordpress, I have decided not to bring anything with me. I will be leaving my posts here to preserve the dates when they were written and posted, and to free myself from the hassle of another sleepless night of copying and pasting everything from one site to another.

Turtle Keziah and Kring's Recycle Bin will remain here as accounts of my works and expressions during my school life. turtlekeziah.wordpress.com will be the home of my musings now that I have graduated from college and have been venturing in my career. Since I also am a very proud Filipina and I want to relive my Multiply account which is in Filipino, I also made mabangongpagong.wordpress.com for my works and writings in Filipino.

Thank you for all those who took the time to read whatever I have posted here. Blogspot will always be here to reminisce what I have written in my younger years. God bless everyone!

Fastfood Chain Floor

2011-08-27T21:07:00.000+08:00

I make up the foundation
Of the place that gives you life

You brighten up my surface
Each and every day,

You put that yellow caution
So I would cause no one to be hurt,

When I’m done with the rain
And on with the summer,
You take away the caution
And the feet are back again

Stepping on me happily.

Gratefulness is what I feel.
Through me,
You serve them well.

Krizelle R. Talladen
February 27, 2011

Dance Floor

2011-08-14T23:57:00.001+08:00

You accept all soles,
Have the guts to face the dirt.
You are happy with where you are,
Without you, they will all just fall

Down, deep under.

You accept the slipper
Of Hanna who comes early.
You see her new nail color,
But it will be covered soon
with her pink socks.

You accept the sneaker
Of Joseph who comes in late,
Hurrying to the group of eight,
You don’t mind his heavy kicks.

You accept the sweat
That drips from Miggy’s face
You accept even his whole body
When he lies down tired and exhausted.

You accept the slides, the strides,
The slips and the points
Everything.

You accept even the souls,
Have the guts to face their dirt.
You are happy with where you are,
Without you, they will all just fall

Down, deep under

The regrets of passion.

Krizelle R. Talladen
February 26, 2011

Ulan

2011-08-11T23:35:00.001+08:00

Sanay na ako sa ulan.

Maliit ka pa lamang
ay sa mukha ko na dumadaloy,
Tubig na gamit ng iyong ina
habang marahan na hinahaplos
Ang maselan mong balat.

Hindi niya hahayaang
Sa sinapupunan ko
Ika’y bumagsak.

Naalala mo ba noong ika’y sampu?
Nagtampisaw kang may galak
At patalun-talon,

Naku!

Sakit ang naidulot
Ng iyong pagkakaumpog.
Bagyo ang umagos
Sa mata mong agad namang
Patatahanin ni ina.

Ngayo’y tayo na lamang ang narito
Sa tuwina’y takbuhan ako
Ng mga patagong sikreto

Tanggap ko lahat ng ulan
Mula sa gripo at sa mga mata mo,

Ito ang kapalaran
Ng sahig sa banyo.

Krizelle R. Talladen
Pebrero 27, 2011

Apat na Wala

2011-07-19T23:13:00.003+08:00

Naalala mo ang langit na walang bituin

At tubig na walang tigil sa pagkalawkaw,

Ang gabi kung kalian pinasikat mo ang araw

Mula sa iyong dibdib

Nasalamin sa tubig ang sinag nito

Ngunit tila yata hindi nasilayan ng mga

Matang hindi mo matingnan nang tuwid

At lumipas ang apat na pag-agos ng kalendaryo

Tubig ay natuyo,

Ang sinag ay nagdilim

Hindi na nagpakita’ng mga bituin

Ang mga matang hindi mo matingnan

Ay hindi na nga nangislap sa ‘yong harapan,

Dahil sa ano? Hindi mo alam.

Sapagkat wala.

Wala naman talaga.

Krizelle R. Talladen

Hunyo 16, 2011

Why?

2011-07-16T01:17:00.004+08:00

Love:

The sole reason

Why the mermaid

Made a deal with the witch

For feet to run the earth

And be part of his world

Why little Tristran

Traversed the wall to search

For the falling star

And bring it back

To his heart’s desire

The very core

Why everything exists.

And yet,

The same reason

Why the mermaid

In fear that her family

Will be devoured

By the witch’s sharks,

Remain to be a mermaid

Far from him

Who walks the earth

Why little Tristran

After coming back with the star

Left the earth next

Without his heart’s desire

Why is love

Killed when it is found

Suppressed when realized

Stopped when started

If love is as good

as fairy tales,

Why is it as destructive

as these?

July 12, 2011

It’s not all there is – Find IT!

2011-07-03T14:17:00.001+08:00

(This essay was written some time in the late 2010 to early 2011.)

Have you ever thought you’re happily living a simple normal life? Do you think that your reality is all there is? In your believed reality, have you grown? Have you won? Or were you just stuck to where you are with people pressuring, controlling, and threatening you? Think again. You don’t want a normal life, eh?

These were the questions I’ve reflected upon after reading Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere. This is the book which became one of my inspirations in facing life’s challenges just like how Richard Mayhew, the main character of the story, faced all his ordeals.

As I read the novel, I put on Richard’s shoes. He was a normal Londoner just like how I am here in the Metro. He went to work as I go to school; he had a fiancée named Jessica that I don’t have; his life was a normal routine just like how mine was. Of course, he seemed stressed like I am most of the time. He forgot about things like accomplishing some reports for his boss, reserving that table in a restaurant for Jessica, and meeting Gary, his friend, for a drink. Reality bites: work, school, love life and friends are stressors in life.

As they say, everything has a purpose. One may be bombarded with all the stress in the world but it’s just temporary. In the middle of Richard’s stress came a bleeding girl in the street where he and Jessica walked. Instead of ignoring the girl, Richard helped her. Even if Jessica objected his decision, he still went to help her. Even if Jessica threatened him to forget their engagement, he still carried the wounded to his apartment. No one stopped him from helping the girl, not even his fiancée who kept on pressuring him. One might think Richard’s gone crazy. Yes, maybe. But it’s all because the help he extended to this girl named Door would be the start of something that would change his life forever as he was introduced to London Below, in the old and abandoned subway stations and sewer tunnels.

Door, who was sort of a princess in London Below, had a simple mission—to know the mastermind for the murder of her family when they had no enemies she could think of. Based on what she believed to be his father’s last statement, she went on her way to find Islington, an angel whom she thought would help her with her query. But then there were Mr. Croup and Mr. Vandemar, who served as the obvious antagonists even from the start of the novel. They were there to kill people and to capture Door for their boss. In one of the chases, Door got wounded and bumped into Richard. She bumped into Richard for a purpose, of course. Someone out there might be in suffering because of evil attacks like I do but I never know; we might be each other’s saviors once we bump to each other.

Richard saved Door and Door saved him as well. After the heroic act, he became invisible to London Above. It may be the curse for interacting with someone from Below but it is also possible that Richard belonged there after all that’s why he cared to help Door when she found her on the street.

Door saved him as well, of course. She promised him to get back his life. After meeting Door, he met marquis de Carabas, who was Door’s guardian and Old Bailey from a London rooftop which made him face his fear of heights. Richard was in for more unbelievable creatures when he met Iliaster, the beggar who introduced him to talking rats, the Lord Rat-speaker and Anaesthesia.

Anaesthesia was one of my favorite characters here. He served as Richard’s guide as they crossed the Knightsbridge while looking for Door after being separated with her and the marquis. From her came the words: “It’s one or the other. Nobody ever gets both.” Indeed, life is a choice. You can never get all the worlds you want and so you choose your best world. Anaesthesia was taken by the darkness as they crossed Knightsbridge. But her voice was the same urge that made Richard surpass the Ordeal of the Key by the Blackfriars when Islington ordered them to get the key in exchange for the information about the murder of Door’s family. Her voice uttered two magical words to Richard: HOLD ON. I did the same from then on and holding on never fails me.

Hunter is another remarkable character in the story as she served as Door’s bodyguard. But she was also the traitor who only wanted to get the spear for hunting the Great Beast of London from Mr. Croup and Mr. Vandemar and kill the Great Beast herself. But it was Richard who successfully killed the Beast and was awarded the honor in the end.

The biggest traitor comes in the most thrilling part of the novel—Islington. It was an angel that could help them as Door believed but the statement from her father was just made up by Mr. Croup and Mr. Vandemar. Betrayal is a natural phenomenon. We never know whom we can really trust. But in the midst of betrayal, one thing is for sure. Justice will prevail.

In the end, Door and Richard won. Because of Door’s talent in opening doors, she was able to throw Islington, Mr. Croup, and Mr. Vandemar to somewhere far from Heaven. Richard returned to London Above as Door promised with improvements like he was promoted in his work, Jessica was the one chasing him now, and he could enjoy with his friend Gary again. But then, Richard realized that his normal life wasn’t what he wanted.

Gary said, “Richard—this is reality. Get used to it. It’s all there is…”

But then Richard mumbled, “I thought I wanted a nice normal life. I mean, maybe I am crazy. I mean, maybe. But if it is all there is, then I don’t want to be sane. You know?”

Just like Richard, I don’t want to be sane. If there’s a greater opportunity for me to grow somewhere else, I’d follow it like how Richard returned to London Below in the end. For me, it’s not escape but a step in rising up. Life is a great adventure of taking risks, freedom, finding purpose, betrayal, holding on, and giving yourself for others. I’ve chosen to rise up from the routine of life, follow what my heart says, and let it take me where I should be. Thank God for being here. ###

Wazak

2011-07-02T01:08:00.002+08:00

Kinalap kong muli ang mga larawan

At nilunod ang paningin sa iyong mukha

Hinanap kong muli ang mga kanta

At pinakinggang paulit-ulit ang mga salitang

Aking minsan nang inamin

Binato sa iyong harapan

Upang iyong malaman

Ang tunay kong nararamdaman.

Sinubukang buuin ang mga hakbang

Ng sayaw na nalimot ko na yatang gawin

At ngayo’y isinatula ang mga salita

Magagawa kaya nang maganda?

Binigkas ng bibig ang pagbitaw

Upang maging tapat na walang aasahan

At nanatili sa pangakong walang magbabago

Balik sa dati para sa ikabubuti ng lahat

Ngunit hindi ko magawang ikaw ay kalimutan

Sinuman ang dumating ay hindi mapalitan

Ang puso ko’y ikaw pa rin ang pinagsisigawan

Ano pa bang magagawa kundi ito’y hayaan

Anuman ang kahinatnan

Na naman…

Hunyo 24, 2011

Ang Palanca ni Kuya

2011-06-21T22:43:00.001+08:00

Naisipan kong maglipat ng ilang mahahalagang email mula sa luma patungo sa bago kong email adres. Isa sa mga kinagulat ng aking alaala ay nang matagpuan ko ang mensaheng ito mula sa isa sa mga kaibigan ko noong hayskul. Naglalaman ang mensaheng ito ng kanyang ginawang palanca para sa aking retreat noong ikaapat na taon ko sa hayskul. Nais kong ibahagi ang nilalaman nito sapagkat sadyang kay rami kong namimiss na tao at isa na siya sa mga ito. Ang tagal ko na siyang hindi nakikita at hinihiling ko na sana, kahit magkabanggan man lamang kami sa daan. Hehe. Hindi ko na babanggitin ang kanyang pangalan at wala na rin akong babaguhin sa orihinal niyang isinulat. Narito ang nasabing palanca:

Hello Ate Kring… Hehe… Wala akong masabi haha… :) Pero I just want you to know that K-R-I-N-G for me stands for K-aibigan, R-espeto, I-law… (HAHA), N-ice, at G-arapata… hindi joke lang G-aling. . . hehe… Syempre aside pa dun sa kalanting ng telepono… hehe… labo ba? Kasi gusto ko lang na malaman mo na napakabuti mong kaibigan… Marahil marami na akong atraso sau pero di mo ako kinagagalitan. . . Sa paglipas ng maraming taong namamasdan… Ikaw ay nandyan… Umaalalay kahit kailan… haha nagrhyme wow… Sana hindi ka magbago na maging isang mabuting kaibigan… Sukob na… Konti na lang at aandar na ang ating jeepney… hehe … at sa pag-andar ng ating sasakyan ay magkakasama tau… Tayo ay lulan ng ating tagumpay…. Hehe… Wala akong magawa… Buti na lang may ginagawa akong palanca para sau… hehe J Sana makamit natin ang ating mga pangarap… hehe… kaya natin to… Sana sa retreat mo ay makita mo si Lord ng mas malinaw… at wag mo lang kalilimutan na nandyan lang siya… Lagi mong katabi dahil di ka niya pinababayaan… HAHA … Ate Kring… Kung may mga problema ka lang basta wag kang mahihiyang lapitan kaming mga kaibigan mo… Lalong lalo na si Papa Jesus hehe J Wait lang… Kamusta naman ACET? Masaya ba? Hehe… ang layo eh no… Oo nga pala… kung sakaling may mga problema… wag mong kalilimutan na kaya mo yan at may magandang susunod dyan… Syempre mapapakanta ka ng “This could be the start of something new…” hehe… Syempre sinabi ko marami na akong atraso sau… Saka marami na rin akong nagawang kasalanan… Gusto kong sabihin na …………. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hehhe hindi joke lang… sorry nga pala kung minsan inaasar kita… alam mo naman na joke lang un eh… di naman nating kailangang seryosohin hehe… basta sorry sa mga kasalanan ko… Bendesyunan mo po ako dahil ako’y nagkasala… hehe… Ano ba 2… ang dami kong sinasabi…. Haha… Balikan natin Ate ung KRING… ung K dahil napakabuti mong kaibigan… ung R… dahil binibigyan mo kami ng respeto… sana kami rin ay nakapagbibigay sau… hehe ung I mamaya na … di ko rin alam kung bakit ilaw eh… Pero alam ko lang… natutulungan mo kaming makita ang liwanag sa buhay… hehe… ayun na!... haha tapos ung N ay nice… ang galing eh no biglang naging English… hehe kasi totoo naman eh… na napakabait mo sa amin… hehe at ung G na garapata este galing …. Dahil napakagaling mo… sa iba ibang bagay… napakarami nga ata eh magkukulang pa ung isang papel na 2… hehe at syempre wag kakalimutan at tunog na KRING ng telepono na para sa akin ay nangangahulugang… laging kapiling at laging nandyan para sa kanyang mga kaibigan… hehe… Maaaring isipin mong bola itong mga sinasabi mo dahil medyo may pagka-loko-loko ako… hehe… pero totoo ang mga ito ate… Wow Galing… Hehe… napakaseryoso mo naman ata… tawa naman tau dyan hehe … la na kong masabi ah… pero patuloy pa rin ako sa pag-type… di ko alam…. Di ko ata mapigilan eh… hehe… sabihin ko na lang advance All Saint’s Day at All Soul’s Day at Merry Christmas and Happy New Year na rin cguro… hehe… “We’re breaking free!!! We’re soaring, flying… There’s not a star in heaven that we can’t reach!...” Gaya nung sabi nung kanta… Matutupad natin ang ating mga pangarap kung magsisikap tau… hehe… Cguro tinatamad ka nang magbasa no? hehe… :) inaantok ka na ba? Pwes matulog ka na… hehe joke :) kaw bahala… haha… Cge cguro hanggang dito na lang… Mahaba na ito ha… Basta wag mo lang kalilimutan mga sinabi ko… Lalong-lalo na nandyan lagi si God sa tabi natin… hehe…

P.S. Ate Kring palibre!!!... hehe joke lang… oo na pagong… hehe

Linggo, Setyembre 24, 2006

Birthday Treats: Advices of Faith Visibility

2011-04-01T21:13:00.001+08:00

Like a birthday treat, Mama brought me again to a Saturday service of El Shaddai last March 12, 2011. I didn’t say no since it was her birthday and I fully remember the time when God’s message through Bro. Mike Velarde helped me to overcome my fear when I was about to be operated for the excision of my sty on my left upper eyelid. I thought that there’s nothing to lose if I open my heart and my mind again to whatever the message will be that night.

Indeed, it was like a birthday treat for me. After the Holy Mass and the worship, Bro. Mike’s talk focused on the things one must do to make his/her faith visible. These things were inspired by the story of Jesus healing a paralytic who was delivered to Him through the roof of the house. The carrying of the paralytic through the roof to Jesus is an example of faith that is very visible. The power of the Lord is present in that house; someone did something by faith and a miracle happened: the power to heal was released to the paralyzed man. Indeed, faith without action is dead. Faith that is visible is a person’s ticket to the wonders that God can work in his/her life.

So how does one make his/her faith visible? Bro. Mike shared the following:

1. Come to where God is, listen, and hold on to it.

2. Tell the world of what He is doing in your life.

3. Do whatever God tells you.

4. When bad things happen, don’t be afraid. Believe in 1+1=3.

5. Give God your best priced possession.

6. Continually give, have faith, pray, do good, and listen, and continually, God’s blessings will pour.

There are actually seven things. But I was not able to jot down the other one. I’m so sorry. I guess I was not much of the great listener for a great speaker at that moment. I really just want to share these to everyone for these things are indeed true. Faith without making it visible is faith that is dead. I remember Step Up 2’s Andie West saying that it is not about you got but it is what you do with what you got. This is the challenge for me and for everyone who wants to follow and live like Christ and for me and for everyone who wants Him to work miracles. These are but few things. The list may go on and on. But how can I actually add to the list when I can’t even guarantee I do those six things? It’s really a narrow path to heaven. But following the narrowest path is a risk worth talking. It is best for my soul, anyway. So why think twice? I must make my faith visible or else my faith is nonsense. Agree with me?

March 30, 2011

THE LAST SONGS for C*CATT Street

2011-04-01T20:06:00.005+08:00

There are some things I just can’t explain but it’s there. Even beyond matters of stupidity and practicality, I still chose to dwell on the impossible and the unreachable. But then, I realized maybe it is because of the people who made me this way. They are the driving force in my life who pushed me to the limits and that made me the super woman who can do anything. Now that I am leaving the premises of formal education and the dance troupe as well, one thing that I will always hold close to my heart is YOU, my C*CATT girls who contributed much to my greatest and most unforgettable achievements in college.Last Tuesday, March 8, 2011, while on my way home from training, this jeepney that I rode kept on playing songs of the boy band, Westlife. At first, I was irritated but then as I listened to one of the songs with the ear of poetry and memory, I felt like I found the best song that I can dedicate to you.

Below is the link to the video of Westlife’s “What Makes a Man.” It is a very sad goodbye love song for me but then parts of the song are really suitable to what I am feeling right now as one of the graduates of C*CATT Street. Never mind the faces of Westlife because the journal writing of Mark Feehily here and the aquarium are very symbolic to me. You know why, of course.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqDRFsWNmoU

These are my favorite parts of the song which I want focus on:

“This isn’t goodbye, even as I watch you leave, this isn’t goodbye
I swear I won’t cry, even as tears fill my eyes, I swear I won’t cry…”

Of course, this is not goodbye. I’m really sorry that I had to leave last March 11 right after our performance in the Mapua concert even if my mother had postponed our trip together. I don’t know. The moment I stepped on PhilAm Life Theater, the goose bumps never left me. Please, I didn’t want you to see me cry. I’m scared that I might breakdown in the end of the show. I left early so I won’t feel the feeling of something that is ending. Oh, my gosh! I really can’t explain it. Kuya Kevin came to me and said that he noticed how I separate myself a lot from you that night. Oh, I just don’t want to find myself doing what I did when we were in the concert of Company of One when I just sat by one of the posts in the backstage and emotionally watching you busy doing your hair and make up. My gosh! This isn’t goodbye. This isn't.

“Tell me what makes a man
Wanna give you all his heart
Smile when you’re around
And cry when you’re apart

If you know what makes a man
Wanna love you the way I do
Girl, you gotta let me know
So I can get over you

What makes her so right?
Is it the sound of her laugh?
That look in her eyes
When do you decide?
She is the dream that you seek
That force in your life…

Other girls will come along, they always do
But what’s the point when all I ever want is you?”

C*CATT, can you just please tell me what is that something in this group that made me give all my heart, my joys, and my love? I know it is really hard to answer. It is forever a rhetorical question. Yes, it is really a big mystery why C*CATT Street is just worth everything. For this, I can say that no one can ever replace C*CATT Street in my heart. As I said, you are one of the greatest driving forces in my life and that will never change. If there would be a group that I would want to dance with, I would always prefer to dance with you. Remember that always. So invite me in your concert, OK? Don’t forget me! I will miss you ASAP! Haha! It also says in the chorus that if you know the answer to the rhetorical question (Ang kulet! Sabi na ngang rhetorical kaya hindi dapat sinasagot! Haha!), you got to let me know so I can get over you. But don’t worry; I won’t force you to answer because I would rather prefer a life not getting over you, my girls! Haha! Is that a banat? Haha! Anyway, remember that! OK? OK? :D

Being in C*CATT Street is indeed a mystery. It is a mystery why I finally decided to give time for dancing when I really wanted to write since grade school. Maybe there is really something hypnotizing when C*CATT Street performs and the alumnae were successful hypnotizing me when I watched them for the first time during the first year orientation in Miriam College. I automatically saw myself a part of them and when I signed up for the auditions, I didn’t hesitate to give it my best. There it was: the trademark that the alumnae remembered about me when I auditioned. That fighting spirit and stance came from nowhere and until now, I don’t where it came from. It just happened. Let’s point our finger in the sky!

It is a mystery why I wanted to be involved. I remember how I dread to be part of the competing team. I was really hurt when I wasn’t chosen as one of the people who will join Skechers Year 3. What I felt then was the same feeling that I felt when I didn’t pass the Ateneo exams. It’s that painful. But then there’s the mystery why I still chose to stay and it was even a big mystery when I finally found myself as the only non-competing team member of C*CATT Street who stayed and kept on attending the trainings. Almost all of those who didn’t belong to the competing team had quitted. One Monday, after a gym session, Ate Pat Martinez told me outside the studio while we were waiting for a ride home that I would already be included in the Skechers Finals. What the?? I was dumbstruck! I never expected it! Oh, my gosh! And I was there in the Skechers finals, mysteriously overwhelmed with all the blessings for the year. I really never expected that this thin and weak body would eventually conquer the compet stage. But from then, I never felt afraid because I know that I am with my girls, with C*CATT. That alone inspired me to strive for the better.

I was still a first year student then and even though I realized the hassle, I still remember myself talking to the Marketing Head of Bayantel for concert sponsorship. How brave was I then? I don’t know. Again, it’s a mystery and I can’t believe I did that when I was not even an officer. I don’t know! I really don’t know! Well, I guess, it’s the mystery again of being in C*CATT. You can do what’s impossible. Do you agree?

It’s even a great mystery when being with C*CATT became an opposition to the person whom I respect the most—my mother. It was in second year when I learned how to make takas so I can attend the trainings and even compete in a competition! Now that’s greater bravery! Wow! I really can’t believe I was able to survive! Thinking about those memories really make me speechless. Again, I thank C*CATT for inspiring me to fight for what I am passionate about.

Sorry if this has gotten very long. I’ll end it here. I just would like you, my girls, to know how grateful I am to be in this group, in this sisterhood and I hope you are grateful for this as well. Being in this kind of organization will really hone not only your talent but your personality and your concept of commitment. Real commitment for a group is not leaving it for better or for worse. Always remember that. There are irregularities that we shall face but remember that it is always like that; it’s part of our growth as people. There will be negativities that you will encounter with people inside and outside the group but they must not stop you from doing this one thing you do best together—dancing from the heart.

For my final song, I want you to listen to “Statue” by Lil Eddie. This is more positive than “What Makes a Man.” It simply expresses how speechless and stuck I am like a statue because being with you is such so wonderful and beautiful. I don’t know what I did to deserve such great blessing. Again, it is mystery, no explanation, no solution to the equation. You are the reason for living, the reason for breathing. I just stare at what has been with you and I can say that I am the luckiest girl alive. Thank you, C*CATT Street! Farewell and until we see each other again! Muwah!

Krizelle R. Talladen

March 28, 2011

Photos from:

http://www.photographersdirect.com/buyers/stockphoto.asp?imageid=1526917

http://www.clipartof.com/details/clipart/4996.html

Lyrics and videos from:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62UOySLtR94

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqDRFsWNmoU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LW7Z8w1R9RU

SALAMAT. THANK YOU. AGYAMANAK. GRACIAS. MIRIAM COLLEGE PATUNGO SA MUNDO.

2011-03-27T15:59:00.003+08:00

Dahil ako'y nagtapos na sa kolehiyo, marapat lamang na ipahayag ko rin sa pamamagitan ng post na ito ang aking sariling mensahe ng pagtatapos.

Unang-una sa lahat, maraming salamat sa Diyos dahil Siya ang dahilan ng lahat ng ito. Tunay ngang ang plano Niya ang pinaka-the best. May mga plano akong hindi Niya pinahintulot at nagpapasalamat ako dahil ngayon ko napagtanto kung gaano nakatulong sa akin ang kanyang mga napiling mangyari sa buhay ko. Sa aking pagsuong sa mas malaking mundo, alam kong hindi Siya titigil upang patuloy akong gabayan. Panginoon, salamat po sa lahat!

Sunod kong nais pasalamatan ang lahat ng taong naging bahagi ng buhay ko sa Miriam College. Salamat sa Tulong-Dunong Scholarship Program at sa Miriam Collge Financial Aid na siyang mga pangunahing dahilan upang makamit ko ang mataas na antas ng edukasyon sa pinagmamalaki kong Miriam College, ang aking Alma Mater. Salamat sa lahat ng mga naging propesor ko mula una hanggang ikaapat na taon. Nagpapasalamat ako dahil kahit ano'ng mangyari, LAHAT sila'y may naidulot na kaalaman at aral na nakadagdag sa aking paglaki. Maraming salamat, mga mahal kong propesor! Salamat din sa Departamento ng Komunikasyon, sa Kolehiyo ng Arts and Sciences, sa Kolehiyo ng Edukasyon, sa Center for Peace Education, sa Administrative Services Office, at sa College Guildance Center. Sa buong Miriam College, kayo'y nakatulong nang malaki sa akin. Maraming maraming salamat po!

Sa Communication Section 3 at Section 5 at sa lahat ng mga naging kaklase ko sa apat na taon ko sa kolehiyo, maraming salamat sa lahat ng mga alaala! Sa mga nabuong barkada ko: sa MC Keidi at sa Marekois, maraming salamat sa inyo, mga bruha! Alam kong hindi dito magtatapos ang lahat! Mahal ko kayo! Muwah!

Sa mga organisasyong kinabilangan ko sa Miriam at sa lahat ng naging officers at kamiyembro ko rito: sa Communication Arts and Advertising Society (CAASOC) na naging Communication Society (CommSoc), sa Talitha Cumi (dinadalangin kong lagi nating tatandaan ang ating motto: RISE UP, LITTLE GIRL!), sa Philosophy Society, Humanities Club, Cillo Society, sa apat na councils, at sa Sanggunian ng Mag-aaral ng Miriam. Maraming salamat sa inyo! Salamat nga pala sa Sanggu para sa baller. Malugod kong isusuot ito kahit ako'y nagtatrabaho na. :)

Isang espesyal na pasasalamat sa C*CATT Street at sa Orange Dance Studio sa paghubog sa akin upang maging mahusay na dancer, events coordinator at organizer, at pinuno ng grupo. Salamat sa mga kabatch ko sa grupo: kina Lyane, Marge, at Micha at sa mga maiiwan naming miyembro. Inyong ipagpatuloy ang pamana ng C*CATT Street! Go, C*CATT!!! Salamat din sa mga alumni na walang sawa sa pagsuporta at lalo na kay Nay Jen at kay Tay Dex na nagsilbing mga magulang ng grupo. Salamat din sa LAHAT ng aking mga nakasama sa Orange Dance Studio! Kay rami n'yo, di ko na kayo isa-isahin! Hehe. Salamat nang sobra! Salamat din kina Gng. Lynda Garcia at sa ADSA ng Miriam College sa paniniwala sa kakayahan ng C*CATT Street. Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat!!! Patuloy kong babalikan ang dance floor at papatibukin ang pusong aking iniwan doon dala-dala ang mga alaala ko kasama kayo. Hanggang sa muli, C*CATT Street at ODS! Hanggang sa muli!

Alam ng lahat na noon pa man maliban sa pagsasayaw, kakambal ko na ang papel at panulat. Salamat sa mga naging gabay ko sa pagsusulat sa kolehiyo: kay Sir Joel Toledo, Ms. Lorna Billanes, Ms. Rachelle Dizon-Rodulfo, Ms. Debbie Tan, Ms. Cathy Guballa, Ms. Michelle Gadja, Ms. Ava Gonzales, at kay Sir Jonah Lim. Nais ko ring pasalamatan sina Kuya Jopaw Villarosa at Kuya KC Ramos na naging mga guro ko rin sa Ingles at hanggang ngayon ay patuloy ang pagsuporta sa aking mga gawain. Maraming salamat po sa inyong lahat!

Sa mga nakasama ko sa Ondine (Theater) at sa Kapatid (Film), salamat! Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan si Hans, si Becca, si Reina, si Tom, at si Zeny. Maraming salamat!!!

Salamat din sa mga hindi nakakalimot na Tablemates, TD Gang, at mga kabatch ko sa MCS, MES, at sa St.Scho Marikina! Nawa'y kahit palawak na nang palawak ang ating mundo, hindi pa rin natin makalimutan ang pagkakaibigang ating nabuo. Maraming salamat sa lahat ng alalala!!

Tunay ngang ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay hindi makararating sa paroroonan, kaya naman, hindi ko hahayaang matapos ang post na ito nang hindi pinasasalamatan ang aking pamilyang tulad ko ay mga babaeng empowered. Kay Lola Tuning, kay Mama, kay Ate May, at kay Keren, maraming salamat sa pagpapadama sa akin na ako nga'y may tunay pa ring tahanan sa kabila ng lahat ng tahanang aking natagpuan sa buhay. Salamat sa pagbibigay sa akin ng gamilyong pagkakataon sa tuwing ako'y may pagkakamali. Salamat sa pagmamahal at sa pagiging nariyan kapag wala na ang lahat. Ang aking pagtatapos ay para sa inyo at para sa ating busilak na hinaharap. Mahal na mahal ko kayo! Lola, hanggang sa muli po nating pagkikita!

Sa nag-iisang tinik sa hilera ng mga rosas, salamat po! Anuman ang mangyari, wala ka pa rin pong kapalit. Maghihilom din ang mga sugat pagdating ng tamang panahon. Hanggang sa muli po nating pagkikita.

Nais ko ring pasalamatan ang aking mga kamag-anak na walang sawa rin ang suporta sa akin at sa aking pamilya. Salamat kay Uncle Levy na siyang pumayag na ipag-drive kami sa araw ng pagtatapos kahit gaano kabagal ang traffic at kahit biglaan lang din namin siyang nasabihan. Salamat ulit, Uncle. Pagupit ka na, please? Hahaha! Biro lang!

Hindi matutumbasan ng kahit anong medalya o masigabong handaan ang abut-abot na biyayang aking natanggap sa pag-agos ng mga panahon. Ang mga alaalang babaunin ko sa aking pagharap sa mundo na mula sa lahat ng mga taong nakasama at nakatuwang ko ay higit pang regalo at inspirasyon sa aking pagtatapos. Sa lahat ng aking nabanggit, MARAMING SALAMAT! THANK YOU! AGYAMANAK! GRACIAS! Sa mga hindi ko na nabanggit sa post na ito, paumanhin. Inyo sanang tandaan na sa malaki o maliit mang bagay na inyong naidulot sa akin, kahit sandali lang kayong napadaan sa buhay ko, nagpapasalamat pa rin ako! SALAMAT MULA SA KAIBUTURAN NG AKING PUSO!!!

Pagpalain nawa tayo lahat ng Diyos at tulad ko, mapuno nawa ang ating mga buhay ng inspirasyon. Muli, maraming salamat! Salamat, Miriam College! Paalam! Hanggang sa muli! :D

"Para sa 'yo ako'y lalaban... Ako'y lalaban...
Ang awiting ito'y para sa iyo
At kung maubos ang tinig, 'di magsisisi
Dahil iyong narinig mula sa labi ko,
SALAMAT... SALAMAT..."

"Gave me strength when I had none at all
Gave me hope when I was running low
Showed me how to make it through and
For everything, you know I thank you

You believed when I'd no reason to
You were there when I needed you...
You believed when I had given up
Carried me and I was lifted up...

And I'm still standing here,
I JUST WANNA THANK YOU..."

Krizelle Ripani Talladen
Miriam College Batch 2011
BA Communication

March 27, 2011

Of Hair Rebond and the Sea

2011-03-22T11:12:00.001+08:00

I had my hair rebonded last March 13, 2011 and other than the transforming effect of what was put on my hair, it was the article that I read from a magazine while waiting for my hair to set that made me enjoy my stay in the salon. It was actually the first magazine that I picked from the stack that was given to me. We’re meant to be! Haha! It was Metroactive’s Summer Issue in 2008.

I read an article there about Juny Binamira, one of the few boat makers here in the Philippines. Yes, you read it right—Boat Maker, one who makes, builds, and creates boats for whatever purpose. It was a very inspiring story because he said there that he had the fascination for boat making since he was a young boy and he was able to create his first boat when he was around 9 years old, I think. Well, it runs in the blood. Juny is related to a national artist for sculpture. I just can’t remember who. Haha! I forgot, sorry!

I, myself, am a lover of the sea. My friends would find me a kill joy when I wouldn’t participate in swimming getaways by the pool. I really don’t like pools. I’m more amused with the sea, the breeze, the foam, the sunset in the background… My gosh! I miss Pagudpud, Corimao, and San Mateo in Ilocos! I just so love the sea! Haha! Maybe in my past life, I really was a turtle! Haha!

Anyway, let me quote Jury Binamira when he said in the article, “Anybody who loves the sea knows the peace that the sea is capable of bringing to a human being. There’s just something about the sea. That’s why it’s very therapeutic being there.”

Very well said, Mr. Binamira!

I just love the sea. And I love my hair also now because, like the sea, it flows. Haha! And just like the sea and my hair, my life flows to where God directs. Now there’s the connection!

Peace to you all! :D

Krizelle R. Talladen
March 22, 2011

The Songs of the End

2011-03-19T16:07:00.001+08:00

“I stopped and got lost in my mind

I’ve never been so unraveled in my whole life…”

I never knew why I felt like this. When all the stars had gone to the air and to my nostrils as sources of all strength to do what I had to do, I was surprised. They were very effective. It really felt as though it was the most casual and natural thing to say. I was stuck there sitting, moving with utmost limitation, and not wanting my nervousness to show. I was closed. I even wanted him to stay inches away, not beside me but in front of me, like an opponent in my most favorite game—talk. I have never been that honest. Despite the uneasiness I felt, it was successful. I didn’t freak out that much. I didn’t cry. I didn’t hurt my little sister (like how I used to when I’m so love struck). I just breathed, smiled, and laughed as usual.

“I said I love you, I love you, I love you,

But now I regret it,

Said I love you, I love you, I love you,

I’m so sorry I said it…”

I saw stupidity in what I did. Some said it was even inappropriate. Of course, here comes again the female stereotype which I always hate. But then the stupidity that I saw is far less than the gravity of the accomplishment that I have established. It is I who won over the monsters of my past. It was like I’ve made up for all the regrets I had for the past 11 years.

“I know I’ve said it

But can we forget this?”

And he said nothing will change. Thank you. But then, I think it’s normal for me to feel the awkwardness afterwards. How will I act if I see him again? Will I be the usual jolly girl who can smile right at the iris of his eyes? I can’t even look at him straight when I was blurting everything out. Hohoho! Hello, shy girl! Don’t be shy! Hahaha!

“Shy girl, it’s written on your face…

Don’t run away, don’t be afraid,

Don’t be shy, girl…”

OK. I know I’ve said it so can we just forget it like I didn’t say anything? OK. Let’s see. Haha!

“I’m like a statue, stuck staring right at you…”

But still, I got frozen in my tracks. I always stop thinking about everything from the start of it all until the end of whatever, if this is really ending like this. This unexplainable feeling covers all my experiences with the rest of the people whom I’m with. That one moment of bravery opened the doors to reminiscing what has been. It’s just overwhelming, no words can ever describe. Only sets of songs from previous and present LSS’s rush through me as if I really have a good voice that I just belt each song out. I’m just stuck, like a statue, staring at everything from them, from them, then from you up to me. I want to cry to release some of this unexplainables. But then I can’t. No tear drop won’t come out of these tear glands that I’ve been knocking on. Hello, tears? All dried up? Am I numb? What is happening?

“Every single day of my life, I thank my luck stars

God really had to spend extra time when he sculptured your heart.

Cause there’s no explanation, can’t solve the equation

It’s like you love me more than I love myself….”

Yeah. Why should I answer the unanswerable? When it is a mystery, why should I force an explanation? If there’s none and it’s just there, just let it be. The purpose will surely reveal itself ASAP. Yeah? All right!

“When the day is said and done

In the middle of the night

When you’re fast asleep, my love…

I’m the luckiest man alive.”

I just stare at all these realities. Then I say to myself: “I’m the luckiest person alive.” There. That’s it. I am greatly blessed. Thank you to all of you! You are God’s blessings to me. #

Krizelle R. Talladen

March 18, 2011

Gratitude of The Heart

2011-03-17T02:10:00.003+08:00

For M.F.

The skies were starless but the moon shone

The air had let the skins gone cold

The water had fake waves in the four corners

And there it was, the warm beating of a heart.

It never chose whom to beat for,

It just happened without prior notice,

It led the body to move about,

The feet to walk towards directed paths.

The heart pounded to the tune of the lasts

That made the feet to where it landed,

And the body couldn’t seem to relax

Until the lips had spoken the contents of the heart.

As the starless sky continued to darken,

As the air and the towels had dried the skins,

As the water curdled and stilled and curdled again,

There it was, the warm heart, exposed and honest.

It would be the smiles, not the concealment,

It would be the laughter, not just the confession,

It would be the immortal words, not the expressions alone

That made the heart cherish that night the most.

Krizelle R. Talladen

March 17, 2011

2011

2011-03-03T11:55:00.001+08:00

The calendar sheds its leaves again
Like the kamias tree beside this small house.
Another year has died and another has bloomed,
No one knows what its new fragrance will bring.

As my feet went back to the paths they’ve taken
My hands gathered the fruits and the flowers
The mementos of the stars and the sunshine
The memoirs worth planting on the next garden.

I spewed out what was not worth keeping,
The rough rocks that hurt the soles of my feet,
The weeds that snatched nutrients from me,
And the rest of the rubbish fit for the pit.

But all of these that I took and left
Made this creature what it is today
And in the next plot, for sure I’ll stay
Grateful for all the pain and the gain.

Now it’s all to the Green Thumb of Above
Whatever is in store for the next coming of the sun
And on every rise of the moon after that
I’m sure no rain will drop on useless land.

The new calendar displays itself
Naked from the dried leaves of yesterday
Prepared for more sprouting and blooming
Ready to spread all its fruits and fragrances.

Krizelle R. Talladen
January 2011

Questions and Answers This Year Part Two

2010-06-24T09:04:00.001+08:00

“How do [you] breathe?” the next cut asked,
When everyday you started from top
From the first dance you knew up to the last
With no ability at first to abruptly shift
Your body from fast to slow or slow to fast?

You were in the brink of losing breath,
But you knew things that rescued you:
The electric fan, the water, the ice from the cooler,
The occasional utterance of “Go, guys!”

Your body eventually learned how to adjust
From fast to slow or vice versa.
If Mario asked you how to breathe,
You know how and you’ve shown it.

The next question is, “How will [you] see?”
Dad has his ways so you don’t worry.
He knows where to place your skill and size
So you can have a share of reflection on the mirror.
Dad’s eyes were there if you happen to be blind
And from his mouth comes the words of the wise.

“Where do I go?” was sometimes your question
When you didn’t know or forgot the place for you.
At times Dad’s even the one forgetting
But your buddy served as your guiding light.
Your Buddy asked too: “When you’re not with me,
How do I breathe?”

Questions came from mom and your music
But most of all, Dad blurted out his.
Everytime you felt pain and complained,
During lengthy warm-ups in the beginning,
Everytime you try to coordinate your feet with your arms,
When you’re tangled up with every step and stunt,
Dad would ask, “What class is this?”

Remembering the answer made you endure,
And, yes, you enjoyed the long warm-ups,
You coordinated your up with your down,
You did your best until that final night.
You really are part of the class he asked.

Dad used to shout in anger and let some things fly
But as the calendar cascaded two times,
Only the power of his voice resounded
With the question, “Where are the others?”
Hated your late completion on your last rehearsal day
But patiently polished the moves you’ve learned.
He asked, “Hataw ba yan? O mina-mark niyo lang?”
Wanting you to get used to your dance.

You remember these questions from dad
With all of his quotable quotes and lines.
You reminisce when mom and the music asked.
You know so well the answers in words and deeds.
They all made up your summer’s weeks.

Even though that big night was over,
Questions still flowed through each other.
“Pwede ba kayo?” is next to the list,
Whether it is about dance or just friendly trips.

This is the end of the never-ending poem,
But the continuity of what has been lingers on.
“See you soon, OK?”
That’s the final question.

You are Advance 2010!
Congratulations!

Questions and Answers This Year Part One

2010-06-24T08:57:00.004+08:00

A tribute to ODS Advance Class 2010

"Are you ready to die?"
With a smile, mom asked.
You knew what she meant.
You didn't answer,
just smiled back,
waited even if your stomach cramped.
Until the end, you stayed.
You remained alive.

"Are you gonna die this year?"
the iPod asked next.
You were forced to say "No!"
But eventually you meant it.
You are just ready,
But you're not gonna die.

You screamed "No!"
When the same track asked,
"Are you gonna lose you job?"
This year, you didn't.
You managed to show up all the time
From the late nights to early mornings
With or without the comfort of sleep.
You were always there with the rest
And you didn't lose your job.

The anthem asked some more,
"Are you gonna lose your house?"
This year, you still yelled "No!"
Even if you end past midnight
You still got your house
ready to welcome you back.
The Orange house is even always open
ready to be your second home.

Aside from your No's, you affirmed as well.
Are you gonna step it up this year?
Yes, of course, you did.
Even it were your first or second or third time,
You stepped it all up, good job!

You're gonna go to school: YES!
You're gonna graduate: YES!
Congrats to you who graduated
and Good luck to the wannabes!

This year, YES, you're gonna fall in love
Leave that loser, and find a better one.
Or have you already fallen, left, and found?
Of course, who wouldn't be in love?
What you just did was all Fo' Tha Luv of Hiphop, eh?

This year, YES, you're gonna lose some weight
After two months, for sure, you did.
Even if you really need the reverse
And a little height for the fun size as well.

Your first song fits you well.
You danced and lived with it.
Your Auld Lang Syne went "Bee, bee, bee..."
tried so very hard to look and feel funny!
But there are still some questions
you're about to review.
Good thing, you found the right answers,
Proving you're independent,
can do it on your own...

Get the crunk, remix....

Mom’s Perfect Role

2010-02-18T12:51:00.000+08:00

Standing up for me—this is the best thing my mother does. She does it every minute of my life. Since the day I finished reading Mitch Albom’s For One More Day, which talks about a son’s relationship with his mother, standing up for me became a perfect the perfect role to term a mother’s love.

In the novel, the writer collected and shared to its readers the “Times my mother stood up for me” and the “Times I didn’t stand up for my mother.” If only the book tells my story, I would have the same collection in between the chapters. One time that my mother stood up for me, I just thought of it as a simple, plain, ordinary experience but ironically, it was the experience that I cannot take off my mind until now. Maybe it is because it was the first experience that I actually jotted down and saved.

The rainy month of July left me stranded in Miriam College one dismissal time. I got no umbrella, no jacket. I waited for a tricycle but I still needed an umbrella to eventually get home or I’ll be drenched in the downpour. What I got was my phone and it was Mama whom I texted, trying my luck if she’s also on her way home from somewhere. Lucky enough, she’s on her way home from Cubao and she even suggested that she can pick me up at Mini Stop. The day ended with my realization.

Even if we’ll still get wet because of the rain and we’ll end up spending double for jeepney fare, Mama still chose to fetch me and not neglect me and let me suffer because I’ve already lost lots of umbrellas. She still chose to stand up for me and until now, she never fails to do so.
It’s her perfect role and I love her for it. It’s her standing up that inspires me more to stand up for her too.

This article was the essay part of my preliminary exam in Journalism Class under Ms. Cathy Guballa. I got a 28 over 30 score in this part of the exam and a “V. Good Kring” remark from my professor.

Black Sea

2009-12-11T15:52:00.003+08:00

One clear night while the others slept, I climbed
the stairs to the roof of the house and under a sky
strewn with stars I gazed at the sea, at the spread of it,
the rolling crests of it raked by the wind, becoming
like bits of lace tossed in the air. I stood in the long
whispering night, waiting for something, a sign, the approach
of a distant light, and I imagined you coming closer,
the dark waves of your hair mingling with the sea,
and the dark became desire, and desire the arriving light.
The nearness, the momentary warmth of you as I stood
on that lonely height watching the slow swells of the sea
break on the shore and turn briefly into glass and disappear ...
Why did I believe you would come out of nowhere? Why with all
that the world offers would you come only because I was here?

--Mark Strand

Another Mark Strand poem that I like. I remember my cousin who is a priest. He has this book of poems he published in the States and just like Mark Strand, there are a lot of quotable quotes in the end of his works. My favorite lines here are the last two lines:

Why did I believe you would come out of nowhere? Why with all
that the world offers would you come only because I was here?

I could not describe the feeling right now. Applause!!!!

In Memory of Joseph Brodsky

2009-12-11T15:34:00.003+08:00

It could be said, even here, that what remains of the self
Unwinds into a vanishing light, and thins like dust, and heads
To a place where knowing and nothing pass into each other, and through;
That it moves, unwinding still, beyond the vault of brightness ended,
And continues to a place which may never be found, where the unsayable,
Finally, once more is uttered, but lightly, quickly, like random rain
That passes in sleep, that one imagines passes in sleep.
What remains of the self unwinds and unwinds, for none
Of the boundaries holds – neither the shapeless one between us,
Nor the one that falls between your body and your voice. Joseph,
Dear Joseph, those sudden reminders of your having been – the places
And times whose greatest life was the one you gave them – now appear
Like ghosts in your wake. What remains of the self unwinds
Beyond us, for whom time is only a measure of meanwhile
And the future no more than et cetera et cetera ... but fast and forever.

--Mark Strand

I do love this poem. Not because of the Joseph but because it is a poem. I love poetry.

Question-and-Answer Portion once upon a Journ Class

2009-11-09T12:10:00.000+08:00

1. What I dislike about myself? Very long patience, very cool temper, very sharp memory
2. What I’m good at? Dancing
3. Favorite room at home? Bedroom. I love to sleep.
4. Worst thing parents can do to their children? Blame the children for their personal hardships!!!
5. Favorite time of the day? Dismissal or sleep time. Haha!
6. Describe a dull evening: No good music on the radio, no textmate, no cellphone load
7. How to treat meddlesome people? Ignore. Deadma.
8. What am i optimistic about? I can do what i’m supposed to do.
9. What am i pessimistic about? I might not have a boyfriend.
10. Indispensable object for me: Radio/MP4 and cellphone
11. Best birthday present: Surprise attendance of someone special in a dance concert where I was part of.
12. Best birthday present I could receive? True love
13. What makes me angry? People meddling with my life as if they know everything about me and people who don’t respect my personal decisions. Grrrr....
14. Best advice: “The worst person in the world is a quitter.” –Tyra Banks
15. Favorite day: Sunday
16. What makes your best friend your best friend? He is not fake. He’s real.
17. What makes you feel safe? Home.
18. What makes you laugh? Shallow jokes. Ahahahahaha!
19. Invention i would make if i can: Instant money bank for everyone
20. What can you give as a gift for your family? I’ll do them favors at home for a day.

The Simile Chronicles

2009-10-29T21:07:00.002+08:00

1. "Pampakulay ka ng paligid! Tila may bulaklak na namumukadkad sa tuwing tatawa ka. :)" --Jesus Jake Estadilla, my bff

2. "I love you like a fat boy loves vegetables and Krispy Kreme." --Robin Sanchez, my hoodie

3. "Can you be my umbrella?" --Joseph Anderson Dayao, ex-crush

Hahaha! From an umbrella, I became a vegetable, a donut, and a flower.

But what better simile can be attributed to me than the simile of the turtle? Oh yeah!

Standing Up, Watching “Up,” Going Up

2009-09-12T13:30:00.004+08:00

I was with my mother when I watched Up at SM Marikina last Monday September 7, 2009. It was the first time that my mother and I went to see a movie all by ourselves. Well, she could have let me watch the movie alone but she still went with me. Mother stood up for me again at that time. She stood up for me when we watched “Up.”

Months before Up was shown in cinemas here in the country, I have seen its clips from an appliance store in Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall. I was delighted with the little kid (Russell) because he looked like one of my friends. Among all the clips that were shown on every television display, it was the television that showed Up which I could not take my eyes of. Now I know why it was sticky to my eyes.

There was mother and I with our 3D glasses on waiting for the movie and we sat beside an old couple, I think. When the movie was showing and mother and I would react, I noticed the old woman beside mother looking at us as if delighted with our reactions. After the movie, mother told me she noticed that too. Well, maybe they were really delighted with us just like how Carl felt delighted with Russel in the latter part of the movie or Russel getting delighted with the talking dog and Kevin, the bird.

I thought the movie was just one of the animated movies I saw. But instead of more laughter, the movie moved me and mother into more tears. The life story of Carl and Ellie when they got married, they spent time together in the house and with the kids in the village, they gazed at the clouds with the special formation of the turtle that I love, they found out that they could not have children, until when Ellie died, all these made the rain come out of my eyes. Good thing the tears did not cloud my 3D glasses.

Carl and Ellie’s story was tragic but it also portrays a lot of happiness. Most of the time, when a husband finds out that his wife is sick of some sort and won’t have children, he tends to leave the wife. But to Ellie’s dying days and beyond, Carl remained faithful to her and even succeeded in fulfilling her long time adventure plan and that is to situate their house in the Paradise Falls in South America. But in fulfilling this dream, he realized that going there could not have been his only journey all along and that it would not have been what Ellie wanted him to do for himself. As an old man, Carl took away the stinginess in him and realized another adventure he could endeavour into and that is with this kid Russell who wishes for the “helping the elderly” badge and has accidentally been stowed away when Carl set his house up in the sky with balloons.

Russell’s story touched me as well. He may look like some kind of wacky kid who insists on something he likes from an elderly. But when he camped out with Carl, Kevin, and the talking dog on their way to Paradise Falls, his story was revealed. Just like me, Russell’s father does not come home to them. Fulfilling that last badge would mean something to him because his father could pin the badge for him. This situation is similar to that of For One More Day. A child tries to be someone to please his father. But reality bites. Sometimes, what we wish for would not come true but other people are sent to us as alternatives or even more instead of those we wish for. We just have to be contented and thankful. Russell might not want the last badge anymore because Carl has let Kevin be abducted by the supposed to be role model icon that Carl and Ellie idolized but in the end he still gets it even without his father pinning it to him. Nonetheless, there was the old Carl who stood up like a father for him and gave him even more what he expected. If I would be Russell, I think I would be very fulfilled with all the achievements and adventures I’ve been through with this old man. The badges would mean nothing in the first place. Having saved Kevin and all the dogs from cruelty would already suffice his being a true wilderness explorer.

How I wish I could find the Carl in my life. The first Carl would take care of me as a daughter more than what my true father has done and the second Carl would love me and remain faithful to me until death separates us. How I wish those kinds of people still exist. Maybe that is the adventure I’m yet to go through. Why not? I’m life’s wilderness explorer!

So what have I learned with all the connections this movie has revealed to me? Well, I have learned that in achieving something, there would really be sacrifices. You wouldn’t get hold of something when you don’t know how to let go. Carl wouldn’t have saved more lives if he stuck into pulling his house with him. It was his letting go that made him achieve something bigger. Life is an adventure and we do it for people and for ourselves. Just like what Ms. Annabella Santos-Wisniewski of the Discovery Suites said, “It’s always an uphill battle. Keep on climbing.” Indeed, if we never stop trying and doing the things we do, our only way is up.

Mother stood up for me and the omens were realized. I could relate so much with the movie and I pray that the old couple sitting beside us would be just like Carl and Ellie. It might have been another animated 3D movie but why have I filled three pages of review, reflection, and reaction if it meant nothing? Let us all climb our skies and we’ll see each other up there!

--September 8, 2009

The Simple Manifestation of Faith: Ms. Anna Encila

2009-09-12T13:26:00.002+08:00

♥I believe in God♥ (without God life makes no sense)

Above is one of this young lady’s entries in the “About Me” column in her Friendster profile. More than the obvious excessive interest in the Twilight saga reflected by the layout and contents of that profile, this was the statement that struck me most. She simply put it in one statement. It had no explanations or whatsoever. That’s just it. She believes in God. Without God, her life makes no sense. Her Friendster layout might prove her interest in Twilight, but her kindness and simplicity prove her faith. That’s Ms. Anna Chiara Eliza D. Encila, a project staff in the Special Projects office.

Ms. Anna was born on March 10, 1986. Her mother worked as a clerk in the city hall of Quezon City and her father was the one taking care of her and her elder sister. Her father died when she was 18 due to emphysema and she shared to me in the interview that she and her father were really close. Her elder sister now has a family of her own and her mother is her only companion at home.

A graduate of Management in the Polytechnic University of the Philippines, Ms. Anna landed her first job as an office secretary in the Ateneo de Manila University. It was during the time when new faces started to arise in the College of Education office of Miriam College where I work as a scholar when Ms. Anna set foot on Miriam College. Ms. Myra David, the secretary, had a maternity leave and it was Ms. Anna who took over temporarily. She started working in the College of Ed office last December 2008. When Ms. Myra came back, she was transferred to Special Projects. A big part of my second semester work was under Ms. Anna’s supervision and I can say that she really is a very good person.

My interview with her explained it all. It was last year when she became a member of Singles for Christ in their parish and this has been her endeavour during Saturdays and Sundays when she’s not working. She said that being in the organization made her establish a relationship with God and she admitted that it was a life-changing experience. From just a person who just prays, she was now transformed into someone who can control doing bad things and be responsible of her actions. I believe that this is the best thing about her faith. It is reflected through her actions and I myself have witnessed it.

She described the Miriam College students as OK and that they have discipline. Her message for the Miriam students is for them to study hard and be responsible. Among the spots in Miriam, it is the Mini Forest which she loves the most. And from her not so long stay in Miriam, it was the Christmas party of 2008 that is the most unforgettable to her because President Patricia Licuanan came to party with them.

Other than blue as her favourite color and spaghetti as her favourite food, Ms. Anna likes pop music and adores David Archuleta. I remember giggling with her in the College of Ed office while we talk about stars like Robert Pattinson, the band Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, etc.

Ms. Fides San Buenaventura, Ms. Anna’s fellow project staff in the Special Projects office, was also there during the interview and from her I found out that Ms. Anna dreams of going abroad. She would always spot Ms. Anna checking out job opportunities abroad online. She said that Ms. Anna is a kind, jolly, and friendly person. She also said that Ms. Ann comes the earliest among the people in the office. She advises Ms. Anna that if going abroad is really for her, the right time will come. I wish luck for Ms. Anna as well.

Ms. Anna is still single and she admits that she has NBSB or no boyfriend since birth. But still, among her future plans is to have a family of her own in five to six years.

Ms. Anna, in her simplicity, is truly extraordinary. Her perseverance in her work and relationship with other people and God radiate through people. I believe that a kind of person like her will truly receive graces from God more than the luck that Bella enjoys in her Twilight world. Ms. Anna’s father may be gone but there is a Father more than Edward that looks after her and will look after her for eternity. ###

---August 20, 2009

Chick and I Wishes FOMD

2009-09-12T13:15:00.003+08:00

A book report on Mitch Albom’s For One More Day

“But behind all you stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begins.”
--Chick Benetto

I am very Chick Benetto, the main character in the book “For One More Day” (FOMD) by Mitch Albom. I finished reading the book on the night of June 21, 2009 which was a Sunday. After that, I immediately journaled the similarities in Chick’s life and my life. Let me give you the list:

1. He attempted to commit suicide just like what I did when I was in second year high school. His method was more creative though. Chick and Kring tried to end it all.

2. Chick was born in November. He was the first born just like my Ate May who was born on November as well.

3. Chick has divorced parents. Mine were separated. Those are different things I believe. He himself was divorced with this wife Catherine. I pray it would not happen to me.

4. Chick spent his growing years without his father at home. It was only his mother Posey who stood up for him. I’m living my life right now without Papa at home. Mama is the only one standing up for me and my sisters.

5. Chick’s mom encouraged him to focus more on his studies than baseball. Mama encourages me to focus more on my studies than dancing for C*CATT Street.

6. Chick got a college scholarship. I’m enjoying mine right now.

7. Chick collected the times his mother stood up for him and the times he didn’t stand up for her. I’m in the process of collecting mine. Oh, my! Guilt kills!

8. Chick’s mom worked as a hairdresser and a nurse. She reminds me of my grandmother. She’s a hairdresser too and she’s in the States working as a caregiver.

9. Chick was a salesman. Mama is a real estate agent. Similar enough.

10. Chick’s mom would put red lipstick just like Mama who can’t live without it.

11. Chick met his future wife Catherine in a bar. I met my only crush now in a bar too. Haha!

12. Chick’s daughter Maria writes and I write too. This time, I see myself in Maria. Oh, and my ex-crush is Joseph. Joseph and Maria. Very nice.

13. Chick and I lied to our mothers. “I lied. It was the worst lie I ever told... it wasn’t [school work]. I went to [training and rehearsals]... I was desperate to please [myself].”

14. Chick’s father drank a lot and he himself became a drunkard. Papa’s like that too. But I don’t think I’ll be a drunkard as well. Haha.

15. Chick’s mom was ridiculed by the stupid neighbours. I hate our neighbours for looking down on Mama and us. God bless them all!

I’ve learned a lot from Chick Benetto’s life especially with his relationship with his family. If I were Chick in his age as mine. I would definitely stand up for mother. I am the first born and the only guy left in the family and I must stand up for my family no matter what. It was never my parents’ fault that they could not be together. They were just victims of their wrong decisions. Suicide and drinking would not be my option, for God’s sake! I tried it once and I will never do it again. My life now would always reflect what will happen in the future and I don’t want my kids to live the negative side of the life I had.

This is the most important lesson I got from FOMD: if there is an opportunity for you to express love, don’t wait for tomorrow; do it now or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. My present status with mother really made the tears come out of me as I read through the book. I’ve been very selfish for the past years and now, I really am trying to make it up to my mother. It’s time I stand up for her because she’s my only inspiration for everything. ###

The Pahale's Strike

2009-08-07T17:27:00.003+08:00

Boxed in loneliness from the carnival outside
Standing alone in the middle of the cold
The pleading cries of deprived pieces
A Rapunzel on the rescue
To a grassland no one knows
The phlogistonic tone
Addicting to the eyes
When frost shells my heart
I see you!

This is a poem I wrote way back in third year high school for an activity in English class. Mrs. Catherine Cedo-Patrocinio gave me a 5 over 5 and a V.Good mark for this. :)

Smaller and Smaller Justice

2009-07-18T17:47:00.004+08:00

“You’ve been watching too many foreign movies, Father Saenz; there are no serial killers in the Philippines, and if there were, they would be white males in their thirties.”

I used to read Nancy Drew in high school. I was very amazed by how this teenage girl could solve millions of cases from its first publishing up to the present. Then I became addicted to Medical Investigation, Crime Scene Investigation, Jake 2.0, Without a Trace, Blind Justice, and almost every sleuthing show on television. I enjoyed all those and dreamt of becoming a detective as well. But that was long ago. Seeing all these in my present perspective, I realized how well the United States solve small to big time crimes. Of course, they have intelligent people, high-class equipment and facilities and comprehensive FBI database making justice easy to achieve. Then I wonder, why is it not like that in the Philippines? Why is justice so hard to achieve in this country of ours?

A detective story in Philippine literature? For sure?

This was my reaction when I started reading “Smaller and Smaller Circles” by F.H. Batacan for our preliminary exam in Philippine Literature class. Reading the book made me remember my excitement when reading Nancy Drew way before. But this time, the book gave me more than fancy excitement. I was amazed by how this Filipina author (yes, F.H. Batacan is a female) could craft this detective story (Mary Higgins Clark, eh?) set in the Philippines, with Filipino characters, and within Philippine circumstances. This novel even made more impact to me compared to Nancy Drew and CSI. It made me realize that the Americans are not the only ones who could create such thrill in readers or viewers. Filipinos can do it, too, after all. When everyone was going crazy over Stephenie Meyer, I was, on the other hand, going gaga over F.H. Batacan. Sorry, I’m not a Twilight fan.

The novel is about the argument whether there are serial killers in the Philippines or if there are not. The one I quoted in the lead is what the PNP has said to Father Augusto Saenz, the protagonist in the story. He is a Jesuit priest and a forensic anthropologist who believes otherwise. He is helped by another Jesuit priest, Father Jerome Lucero, who is a clinical psychologist and a former student of Saenz. I also believed before that the stories of psycho killers spreading around were not true, that they have just been made up. The quote above was the same claim of my History professor when the news about a psycho killer slashing off breasts of virgin women was at its peak. She said that psycho killing is Western by nature. But with a lot of unsolved murder stories just around the metro, body parts scattered around the streets, news about journalists found dead everywhere, who knows if there really is one?

The story revolves around a series of killings happening in Payatas wherein people would find dead bodies of little boys around eight to ten years of age among the garbage. They were naked, the heart and stomach taken out, genitals removed and faces skinned off. I remember reading these descriptions in the book while eating at McDonalds. Very horrible!

Father Saenz is given the task to solve the mystery behind it with the struggle against the arrogant Atty. Benjamin Arcinas of the NBI who thinks of the priest’s theory as invalid. But in the course of the events in the story, Saenz proves his theory correct. His serial killer is a psychologically-disturbed dentist in the barangay mobile clinic. Of all people, my Lord! This dentist, Alex Carlos, has a tragic childhood. He was sexually abused by his P.E. teacher when he was still in elementary and this experience made him attack innocent kids every first Saturday of the month. It somewhat gives him the chance to revenge indirectly. In the end, however, Saenz and Lucero succeeded the ordeal. Alex died in the course of the chase which also put Saenz’s life at risk. If the old NBI Director had not given this case to this learned forensic anthropologist with a brand new different belief other than the majority of the police, a dead body of a child would still be mourned for amidst the garbage pile every first Saturday of the month.

Are our own police force, detectives and lawyers slow and incapable that’s why most cases we hear about are not solved? Or is it because there are possibilities that these authorities are afraid to consider? Possible suspects of crimes are shown on television but, usually, it just ends there. Oh, justice, why are you so hard to find?

Maybe that’s why there are brilliant writers and TV producers. They extend messages to people. I’m not even sure if justice is really easy to attain in the States. I don’t know if what they write about Nancy Drew and how on CSI refer to close reality. But since I am a Filipino, I know that what Batacan wrote is based on the real scenario.

Sometimes, all we got to do it read, observe, listen, and watch not only what foreign fad dictates but also what the brilliant mind of our fellow Filipinos could offer. That is simply giving justice to our identity as Filipinos.

Elite Crew welcomes new sisters for battle

2009-07-11T16:36:00.002+08:00

CCATT STREET Elite Crew, the official dance troupe of the Communication Department of Miriam College opens its doors once more for aspiring members who will help form the new set of competing team for the upcoming Skechers Streetdance Battle Year 5. Second batch of auditions will be on July 20, 2009, Monday at 9AM onwards in PA-104.

Students who wish to be part of the team but were not able to sign up last week at the CCATT booth in Upper Lanai can still come at the auditions.

Auditionees are required to prepare a 1-minute routine and come in comfortable clothes, preferably shirt and jogging pants, and rubber shoes.

CCATT Street has been representing Miriam College in Skechers Streetdance Battle since the first year of the competition. The team did not make it in the finals last school year and aims to hit the spot again this time. A large percent of the girls' competing team has graduated already and so the crew is in need for more members to train with.

Memiors of the Turtle Part II

2009-07-04T16:16:00.018+08:00

What do i have in my collection? Well, actually I just have a few valued items. Some were broken and thrown away already. Some were still in the stores waiting for me to buy. You know, collecting is also expensive and I only get a little allowance. Most of my turtles are gifts from from friends which also makes them more valuable to me.

I can't remember anymore which turtle item I first had but I think that was Christmas 2005 when I first received a turtle Christmas gift which was a cellphone chain from my high school friend Dominique. I called the rubber turtle Doms, after Dominique's name. Then the next Christmas, she gave me a vibrating stuffed toy which is not vibrating anymore because my Atenean friend Brian who broke the string that would make it vibrate. He promised to replace it but he didn't. Anyway, it's OK. It's still a stuffed toy. Oh, by the way, I named it Niqo, one of Dominique's nicknames. Niko is my first turtle stuffed toy.

It was also December 2006 when my younger sister Keren gave me a turtle necklace as a Christmas gift. I named the metal pendant Krismas.

It was one summer in high school when my friend Krizia gave me this turtle plastic bead. It's so small but I still managed to keep it. Its color is pink and I named it ChaCha, one of Krizia's nicknames. I always name my turtles after the names of the people who gave them.

In third year high school, one of my favorite classmates in our section gave me bookmark with a turtle drawing in it and a Bible verse beside the drawing. Her name is Hanna. But I call the turtle Cheer because it was the "brand" that she put at the back of the bookmark.

The first turtle item that I actually bought was my binder which has a turtle icon on it. Its eyes were even crossed and below the drawing is a very inspiring quote which says, "Failure is not failure but the opportunity to try again more intelligently." However, I don't have a name for it. Haha! I bought it in first year college.

The second turtle item that I bought was still in first year college around August 2007. Its name is Patty, a cellphone chain again and I bought it at Swell Stuff in Robinson's Galleria. It was my first time in Galle at that time after a dance rehearsal at Meralco Fitness Center. I was with my friends and co-members in C*CATT Street namely Gela and Marge. I called it Patty because our president in CCATT then was Ate Pat Martinez and she also had the same chain. She said she bought it because it's green. But I bought mine because it's a turtle.

Christmas of 2007, my "daughter" friend Jenifer gave me my second stuffed toy, much bigger than Niqo. I called it Kelly. It was my ex-crush who named it. Then January 2008, my friend Abby gave me a much bigger one. I was so happy that a lot of people were giving me turtle stuffed toys. I can hug a turtle at last! It's very comforting. Aden is the name of my biggest stuffed toy and again, it was my ex-crush who named it. Kelly and Aden.

Kelly, Aden, and Niqo. I formed a family already and they became part of my bedtime.

I'm not sure but I think it was summer of 2008 when Cheryll, my college friend gave me a keychain with a blue glass turtle this time. I call it ChiChay. Should I still explain why?

That same summer, my students in a summer class in Ateneo High School where I volunteered as tutor gave me a turtle ring. It's so cute and I didn't name it. Now, I call it Merry after their class beadle. Oh, I miss the kids!

I remember my students during the summer previous to that; they gave me a folder with their messages in it. On the cover, I think one of them drew a turtle and they named it Sandy. I was touched that just by those little things, I think it's worth the effort teaching them. I think I'm going back to tutor there again this year.

My college years are marked by a lot of sacrifices. The challenges in this period really test the turtle in me. I once felt like the turtle wasn't in me anymore but I tried to revive that spirit once more and hopefully it's for eternity.

Christmas of 2008, I decided to give Kelly as an outreach donation for poor kids. I was thinking then what toy to give because I didn't want to give up one of my turtles. But what is genuine generosity? I could have given my giraffe, bear, and other stuffed toys at home but I guess I would not have truly helped a kid if I just donated any toy. Generosity is not only giving what you have but giving your heart with what you have. I donated Kelly to share my life with a kid who couldn't afford to buy a toy. It was actually part of a sacrifice. It was my birthday month, and I think I was in penance at that time with all the bad things I've done to mother. Sigh! True love hurts.

When my birthday came, Lyane, one of my friends and co-member in CCATT gave me a similar stuffed toy as a gift. She told me she wanted to replace the turtle that I donated. I was so touched and teary-eyed that morning and it just made my day. Now, Aden has a new companion-- MJ, to rhyme Lyane's nickname which is LJ.

The latest turtle I have is the necklace that was given to me as pasalubong from Baguio. Anne, one of my closest friends gave that to me but I didn't want to name it after Anne. I named it Pags because she calls me that name sometimes because of this interest of mine. Haha! Pags! It's pendant is made of wood and it looks really native. I miss Northern Philippines!

I still have a long list of turtle items to buy. I actually planned to shop for turtle items last May 23 to celebrate World Turtle Day but I didn't have the budget. Haha! It's so frustrating but I still believe in my power to purchase. Aja!

With all these items in my collection, my own beliefs about the turtle, and just my simple love for this reptile, I came to love every turtle picture I see on books, magazines, newspapers and on TV. I keep articles about turtles and editorial cartoons with turtles as symbols. I started downloading videos of TV ads with turtles just like the Bibbo Hotdog commercial. I really love it! If only I could have a puppet like that.

My Friendster layout has a turtle on it; my Multipy site is entitled "Mabilis na Kapagongan;" this blog is Turtle Keziah; my SuperPoke Pet is a turtle named Kreptle. Everything turtle!

Even my favorite cartoon characters are turtles. I love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; Squirtle, Wartortle, and Blastoise of PokeMon; and Squirt and Crush in Finding Nemo. Green became my favorite color alongside blue which is the color of the sea.

The turtle has been part of my childehood until the present and I just thank God for creating such an inspiring creature. I'm the person who sees the brighter side of things and I just can't limit my definition of the turtle to its stereotype. The turtle, for me, is a symbol of a happy childhood, my symbol of strength, the dream of long life, and an advocacy for animal freedom. Best of all, the turtle is the reason of all this heck. I really tried my best to document all these do all the questions in my mind and other people's will be answered. Now, we know the stories behind all these. I do hope we had a great time.

"Turtles dance in my coffee cup
Rainbows on the kitchen counter..."
-Sanchez, Turtles Dance

June 29, 2009

Memoirs of the Turtle

2009-06-30T17:35:00.000+08:00

People wonder why I love turtles. It's been a long time since I started this fetish and when I'm asked with the question why, I can't help but wonder myself. Why do I love these reptiles? Others say it's yucky; others say it's badluck. And I don't care, the hell!

This already a spoiler to our TV Production group project on July 17. But unless no classmate of mine reads this entry, then I won't spoil the fun. I will be interviewed about my interest in turtles, that's why. I'm actually both nervous and excited about that project. But since that interview is just for five minutes, this entry will elaborate everything.

Let me start when my cousin's family gave me one of their turtles. I was in grade 2 then and the turtle was just as small as a mini compact powder. I placed it in a big peanut butter plastic bottle and gave it green and red pellets as food which was given by my uncle. I named it Estong after one of my cousin's friends because she named her hamster after one of her friends as well so I just imitated her. That was the first time I ever acquired a pet. Estong was my first pet. It is a turtle, a red-eared turtle by further research.

I loved Estong so much and I treated him like a brother. I fed him with a variety of pellets, fresh fish or meat, and reptile fee. I would talk to, greet, and bid goodbye to him each and every day. I would clean its jar regularly and never let a single moss build up around him.

He was fun to watch as he swam, crawled on the floor when I took him out of the jar, ate and chewed his food, closed and opened his eyes, went in and out of his shell, and responded to every stimuli around.

When father got him an aquarium at last, it was even more fun. Father and I imitated a setup in a pet shop we visited. We put a small pot in inverted position in the left side of the aquarium and filled the rest of the flooring with pebbles. When those improvements were made, Estong could already experience land and water inside his new habitat. It was cool to watch him climb on top of the pot and get dry then afterwards dive back to the water and get wet. Sometimes, he would even dig through the pebbles as if finding a buried treasure.

One time, when father was the one who cleaned Estong's aquarium, it broke accidentally. A big crack mark was imprinted on one side of the aquarium. I felt bad about it but there was nothing I could do. I just let him stay in a plastic jar again without the creative setup inside the bathroom. Once in a while, I would set him free in the bathroom floor. I would put him back in the jar before I would go to sleep.

There was a time when mother and I went somewhere and we got home late at night already. When mother went to the bathroom, she was surprised to see blood on the floor. I was so worried when mother called this out to me. I nearly cried when I saw the bloody Estong on a hidden corner of the bathroom. He was inside his shell as if afraid of something. When mother took him out, we saw some wounds on the sides of his face. She washed the blood away and poured Merthiolate on the wounds. I was just watching red-faced in front of these all. From then on, I never forgot to put him back in the jar again when I go out.

And who's our suspect to this? The rodent, the rat, the mouse, whatever you call it. We would always have a problem with the mice running around the house. Our hypothesis was that Estong had some battle with a mouse. He wasn't that small anymore at that time and his fingernails have grown long. I don't know, maybe he was even the first to attack when he came face to face with his opponent. Oh, well, I'm imagining things again like I'm an animator. Whatever happened that night, it didn't matter. That bloody experience felt like a call that I needed to be more responsible.

From as small and cute as a mini compact powder, of course, Estong grew into something much bigger than my hand. I realized his need for a bigger aquarium and maybe a companion. But ever since, the economic crisis has been a challenge for our family. There was a time when I really couldn't buy food for him anymore. Days became weeks and weeks became months. Mother talked to me and made me decide. Should I give up Estong or not?

It was a heartbreaking dilemma because I really loved Estong but I was already incapable of giving him a good life. I didn't want him to starve even though turtles could live as long as 150 years. He's not just a pet for my entertainment but also an animal which had a life. When I found out that my Ninong had this huge aquarium of turtles, I though maybe it's better if he would be there. I also thought of donating it to a zoo but I didn't want to go through the hassle. I also didn't want to sell him. No way! Imagine selling your brother! No way!

Others say that having a turtle as a pet is bad luck. I remember it was in those years that I had Estong when my parents separated and we had to move in to a different house because we couldn't afford to pay rent anymore. When I gave Estong to my Ninong, I was very sad. Father was gone. Estong was gone as well. But I never blamed Estong's presence with all the badluck. I despised the superstition with all my heart! It was never Estongs fault. Problems in peoples lives never concern an animal. I don't want to say bad words here so I'll stay calm.

From then on, I never saw Estong again. I also haven't seen my Ninong for a long time now. But Estong's pictures kept him alive and the other turtle stuff that I have. I guess that was the start of my interest in collecting inanimate turtles. Because I wasn't able to take care of a real turtle, then I'll show my love to the inanimate ones. I think that made me recover from my frustration and depression towards losing Estong. It became a medicine and a hobby at the same time.

As time passed by, I understood the role of having Estong and loving turtles in general in my life. The turtle gave me an inspiration and a definition of strength. The first thing that will come into a person's mind when he/she hears the word turtle is that it is slow. In Filipino, we even have the idioms "lakad-pagong" or "usad-pagong" which I never used. The turtle may be slow but only when it has grown up already that the shell becomes heavy. I have not seen slow-walking baby turtles, also Estong when I had him. And that's just the point. The turtle is not slow since birth. It is slow because it has a shell to carry. And that model of a turtle with a shell is what keeps me going strong no matter what. I am the turtle because no matter how heavy my burdens are, I'm still happy to live a life because once the shell is taken out off me, I won't live. Do you think the turtle can live without a shell? It's already part of his life. But other than a burden that makes it slow, it also protects him from harm. People say turtles carry their homes and that's just it. The shell may be his burden but it is also the turtle's home, his sanctuary, his refuge. The turtle isn't slow, it is strong. Its life is long. I myself want to live long that's why I idolize the turtle so much. I miss my Estong!

Later on, when i learned about the advocacy of PAWS or the Philippine Animal Welfare Society, I thought of giving up Estong as something beneficial. Animals, PAWS claims, should not be caged like in a zoo. They should be set free. For animals like dogs and cats as pets, they should be free to roam around the house as part of the family and not just tied or caged. And I think I agree to this belief. If I had known this, maybe I didn't think of of just letting Estong have a bigger artificial habitat. It would be best if I had just set him free in the sea when we went to Ilocos. I think that would make me feel a lot peaceful than just giving him away. At least, I think, it would be perfect freedom for him. Sigh! If only I had known earlier...

So this hobby of collecting turtle key chains, figurines, stuffed toys, accessories, etc. is an alternative to those who want true freedom for the living turtles. Some turtles are getting endangered nowadays especially that they have already been lined up in the series of exotic food. Oh, no! I think I will never eat a turtle! Heard of turtle soup? Oh, my! I remember a former classmate, Dreps, apologizing to me one day when she shared her experience of eating turtle soup in a restaurant. Haha! Of course, I didn't hate her. I miss you, Dreps!

to be continued...

Candle Dance

2009-06-24T17:13:00.001+08:00

In the midst of darkness, you're the light
Shaky with the presence of air all the time
The air is your beat, your music and inspiration
Keeping you dancing through the night

But my eyes noticed your mood right now
You stood frozen with your crown of light
The music is not here, is it?
Wierd cold rainy night

I used to dance like your blue, orange, and yellow
With the presence of your beat, music, and inspiration
You know the air can kill your shine sometimes
But without it, you can never dance

Now I blow your crown out; you're still there
Just like my body who misses the street
No light but still living
Let's wait for the next windy blackout

June 23, 2009
I wrote this poem last night, inspired by the burning candle in front of me at home in the midst of a blackout.

Careless Whisper

2009-06-16T17:11:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats your first love. Since early elementary, I already discovered that I wanted to write. I would waste tons of notebooks writing short stories for my grade school classmates to read. Late elementary introduced me to campus journalism and so I continued writing until fourth year high school for our campus paper. But in the between those writing endeavors, there's really one talent that I also want to develop and that is dancing. In my million attempts to join a dance club in school, I finally made the cut in college.

For two school years now, I became part of C*CATT Street and since I started training with the group, a whole new level of maturity came to me. I became more responsible, more condifent, and a lot healthier. I got to adjust to college easily and I got to set my foot on some wonderful experiences that made me learn more especially when dealing to people, going places, aside from enhancing hiphop/ streetdancing. I learned to love dancing and now that I have to quit becasue of personal issues, I think I always have my rebound which is my first love-- writing. In between my dancing career though, I never forgot writing.

C*CATT Street and Orange Dance Studio became part of the most exciting part of my college life and it really breaks my heart that I have to leave them. Being apart from them makes me realize that I'm never gonna dance again the way I dance with them. We dance as one and so if I dance alone, it's not bringing happiness and fulfillment. But still, nothing beats the first love.#

This is the entry I wrote for our first writing activity in Journalism class. Ms. Cathy commented a red "Very Good!" below the paper. :)

All Because I Blogged About Lin Dan

2009-06-15T12:58:00.000+08:00

I wrote in my second blog entry that Lin Dan looks like a previous classmate of mine in grade school. Well, I don't know why but I dreamt of that classmate, John Benedict Manalo, the night after I blogged about it. I was so disturbed when I woke up that morning! Why, oh, why?

And so a string of events went on my memory. I remember this Benedict Manalo in grade one as the one whom I gave a letter in a turtle shaped stationary. I was just thankful and delighted about him when he checked my paper, maybe a seatwork or whatnot. I don't remember having a crush on him even he was good looking then. But, I don't know. I was just appreciative so I wrote him a letter and, oh my gosh, he assumed that I have a crush on him. Well, I defended myself. Sorry, Mr. Manalo. Hahaha!

Then I forgot about it already.

Just today, Monday, I started my scholar work at the College of Education office and some Tibetan Graduate school students were in the office talking to Dean De Leon. After a while, I was asked by the dean to accompany one of them to the office of Dr. Parayno at the Departmental Office. At first, I was like, ok, I'll accompany this guy... But when I saw his face, I was just dumbfounded!!! He looks like Lin Dan! Oh, no, not again! Haha! His name is Chris, as Dean De Leon introduced. Well, I hope he remembers my name. It's Krizelle! Haha!

Ok... I'm not crushing on anyone. Especially that old graduate school student. Or Benedict or Lin Dan. I was just flabbergasted with the same faces that haunted me for the past days. I still don't know what it means but it's for me to find out.

Lin Dan, Benedict, Chris. Who's next? Hahaha!

The Day I Appreciated Badminton Part 2

2009-06-13T18:29:00.001+08:00

Then came the Women Singles Championship. This time, I'm not just enjoying the game but I'm also becoming proud of my Asian blood. Imagine? A Chinese badminton player defeated the Western defending champion? Wow! Wang Yi Han was really great and I was delighted with how she would utter a sound whenever she scores. Below are the videos of that final game. All I can say to Tina is better luck next time. Picture this, Wang Yi Han is just 19, I think, and the Danish Tina is already 20 plus years old. Very amazing Chinese girl! If only I could play as good as she is...

After a few days, my friend Anne and I went on a morning exercise at Marikina Sports Park and after jogging, we played badminton. wahahaaha! I reminisced the movements of these two great badminton players. Lin Dan and Wang Yi Han! :)

I also remember through this game when I first learned badminton in high school. It was my friend Dominique who taught me the basics and I became comfortable playing with her, not intimidated that she won champion in our Sportsfest that school year. Oh, yes, Dominique, she's a good badminton player as well... Badminton idols here they are! :)

After watching and blogging and reminiscing all these badminton stuff, I think I can already say that I'm really not a sports equipment hater. I just get frustrated that some sports wouldn't really fit me. Oh, maybe this time, I can have some future with badminton. Smash that!

The Day I Appreciated Badminton

2009-06-13T17:49:00.000+08:00

I really don't like sports that much especially those sports with equipments. That's the reason perhaps it's running that I've always liked.

Last summer, I was able to watch the championship games of the Yonex All England Open 2009 in Studio 23, Men and Women Singles Division where they featured the game between Lin Dan of China and Lee Chong Wei of Malaysia. It sounds funny but I was only enticed to watch the game on TV because I found Lin Dan very handsome? Haha! Here I am again. But thanks to his looks, i was able to appreciate the game.

Below are the videos of the said match and I instantly became a fan of Lin Dan since I watched this on TV.

I was amused even more because Lin Dan looked like a former classmate of mine and Lee Chong Wei looked like Luigi, a bandmate of my friend. Hahaha!

I also noticed how he reacted when he finally won in the last game. It looked like a dance step that I know. Haha!

Aside from Lin Dan, there is also another badminton player that I'm a fan of. Of course, there's always the female counterpart. Check her out in my next blog entry.

First Blood: The Lady in Green

2009-06-10T10:07:00.000+08:00

Everything happens for a reason.

I remember realizing through a paper in Philosophy class that events and details of everyday life relay a sort of omen of what will happen in the future. As in everything has its purpose. There's a reason why this is the color of my shirt, the song I heard over the radio, the dirt that caught on my face... Once I witness the connection of the present to something in the past, the my spirit works. Let me just leave the philosophical details of what I'm talking about. I'm done with Philo, comeon!!!

I just thought maybe I'm witnessing another connection in my present life to a past experience. When we had our first meeting with a professor last school year and he told us about his health story, I immediately blogged about my reaction and reflection because I was so touched my his life story and the ordeal that he was in. History repeats itself and here I am again in front of the computer, blogging about one of my professors this semester and I am so excited about what she has in store and about our subject because they all remind me of a very memorable past. Let me introduce to you, the lady in green, Ms. Cathy Babao-Guballa, my professor in Journalism.

The class would start at 3pm and my classmates asked me to ask the CAS office if the professor for our next class was around. They were shy to enter the office because the dean and the department chair were there. But I didn't mind and so I entered the office courteously and asked the secretary about our concern. Then after some browsing, the secretary pointed her finger to the lady in green sitting on the sofa with the dean and the chairperson. Oh, ok. So the prof was there. No early dismissal for us. Haha!

And so she came to class. She was in green blouse. But I was amused that she was carrying a green tumbler too. Wow. Wasn't it obvious her favorite color is green? hehe. Maybe I was right coz she even distributed green index cards for us to write on and the color of her pen was with a touch of green on the outside. Ok. Her fave color is green then. :)

But what amazes me more about her aside from we have the same favorite color is that she's doing what i wanted to do way way back, when my sole core dream was to write for a newspaper and magazine, when all i wanted was to become a journalist... I remembered my late grade school and high school life when I would write for the campus paper and became Filipino Literary Editor in senior year. That was my dream career before... And i guess i wanted to live with it again since I can never let go of my first love. Even if i learned to love dancing too, i also wouldn't want to ignore writing.

I was amazed that Ms. Cathy or Ms. C (Cathy was also the name of our paper adviser in high school!) became part of Mega and is still part of PDI. Those were the two print media that I really look up to and by just thinking of how much writing she has done, it assures me that i'm getting quality journalism instruction and it also excites me to read more of her works. Oh, my gosh! I suddenly missed my journalist life before and i think i want to get back to it. Join Chi-Rho! woooohhhh! I love writing again!

Actually, even if i was into dancing (i miss CCATT STREET!!!) for the first two years of college, i still see to it that i would fill my journal notebook, my multiply and friendster blogs with all of my writing. With exposure to hiphop music, i became fond of listening to Wave 89.1 and with radio as my third love, i also wanted to have some career in that field. With Ms. C's story, I realized i wasn't alone in this confusion of a variety of what i wanted to do. But no matter what happens, it is still writing that will remain in me for sure, just like Ms. C even if she has BA and Psych as backgounds.

It was my crush, Joseph and my E105 professor Ms. Debbie Tan who inspired me to write even more poems in the middle of my dancing career. and i guess this time, it would be Ms. Cathy who could inspire me go back to journalism again.

Ateneo. Green. Journalism. Mega. PDI

So much detail yet so much meaning...

Everything happens for a reason. God bless us all. :)