Turtle Keziah: THE LAST SONGS for C*CATT Street

There are some things I just can’t explain but it’s there. Even beyond matters of stupidity and practicality, I still chose to dwell on the impossible and the unreachable. But then, I realized maybe it is because of the people who made me this way. They are the driving force in my life who pushed me to the limits and that made me the super woman who can do anything. Now that I am leaving the premises of formal education and the dance troupe as well, one thing that I will always hold close to my heart is YOU, my C*CATT girls who contributed much to my greatest and most unforgettable achievements in college.Last Tuesday, March 8, 2011, while on my way home from training, this jeepney that I rode kept on playing songs of the boy band, Westlife. At first, I was irritated but then as I listened to one of the songs with the ear of poetry and memory, I felt like I found the best song that I can dedicate to you.

Below is the link to the video of Westlife’s “What Makes a Man.” It is a very sad goodbye love song for me but then parts of the song are really suitable to what I am feeling right now as one of the graduates of C*CATT Street. Never mind the faces of Westlife because the journal writing of Mark Feehily here and the aquarium are very symbolic to me. You know why, of course.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqDRFsWNmoU

These are my favorite parts of the song which I want focus on:

“This isn’t goodbye, even as I watch you leave, this isn’t goodbye
I swear I won’t cry, even as tears fill my eyes, I swear I won’t cry…”

Of course, this is not goodbye. I’m really sorry that I had to leave last March 11 right after our performance in the Mapua concert even if my mother had postponed our trip together. I don’t know. The moment I stepped on PhilAm Life Theater, the goose bumps never left me. Please, I didn’t want you to see me cry. I’m scared that I might breakdown in the end of the show. I left early so I won’t feel the feeling of something that is ending. Oh, my gosh! I really can’t explain it. Kuya Kevin came to me and said that he noticed how I separate myself a lot from you that night. Oh, I just don’t want to find myself doing what I did when we were in the concert of Company of One when I just sat by one of the posts in the backstage and emotionally watching you busy doing your hair and make up. My gosh! This isn’t goodbye. This isn't.

“Tell me what makes a man
Wanna give you all his heart
Smile when you’re around
And cry when you’re apart

If you know what makes a man
Wanna love you the way I do
Girl, you gotta let me know
So I can get over you

What makes her so right?
Is it the sound of her laugh?
That look in her eyes
When do you decide?
She is the dream that you seek
That force in your life…

Other girls will come along, they always do
But what’s the point when all I ever want is you?”

C*CATT, can you just please tell me what is that something in this group that made me give all my heart, my joys, and my love? I know it is really hard to answer. It is forever a rhetorical question. Yes, it is really a big mystery why C*CATT Street is just worth everything. For this, I can say that no one can ever replace C*CATT Street in my heart. As I said, you are one of the greatest driving forces in my life and that will never change. If there would be a group that I would want to dance with, I would always prefer to dance with you. Remember that always. So invite me in your concert, OK? Don’t forget me! I will miss you ASAP! Haha! It also says in the chorus that if you know the answer to the rhetorical question (Ang kulet! Sabi na ngang rhetorical kaya hindi dapat sinasagot! Haha!), you got to let me know so I can get over you. But don’t worry; I won’t force you to answer because I would rather prefer a life not getting over you, my girls! Haha! Is that a banat? Haha! Anyway, remember that! OK? OK? :D

Being in C*CATT Street is indeed a mystery. It is a mystery why I finally decided to give time for dancing when I really wanted to write since grade school. Maybe there is really something hypnotizing when C*CATT Street performs and the alumnae were successful hypnotizing me when I watched them for the first time during the first year orientation in Miriam College. I automatically saw myself a part of them and when I signed up for the auditions, I didn’t hesitate to give it my best. There it was: the trademark that the alumnae remembered about me when I auditioned. That fighting spirit and stance came from nowhere and until now, I don’t where it came from. It just happened. Let’s point our finger in the sky!

It is a mystery why I wanted to be involved. I remember how I dread to be part of the competing team. I was really hurt when I wasn’t chosen as one of the people who will join Skechers Year 3. What I felt then was the same feeling that I felt when I didn’t pass the Ateneo exams. It’s that painful. But then there’s the mystery why I still chose to stay and it was even a big mystery when I finally found myself as the only non-competing team member of C*CATT Street who stayed and kept on attending the trainings. Almost all of those who didn’t belong to the competing team had quitted. One Monday, after a gym session, Ate Pat Martinez told me outside the studio while we were waiting for a ride home that I would already be included in the Skechers Finals. What the?? I was dumbstruck! I never expected it! Oh, my gosh! And I was there in the Skechers finals, mysteriously overwhelmed with all the blessings for the year. I really never expected that this thin and weak body would eventually conquer the compet stage. But from then, I never felt afraid because I know that I am with my girls, with C*CATT. That alone inspired me to strive for the better.

I was still a first year student then and even though I realized the hassle, I still remember myself talking to the Marketing Head of Bayantel for concert sponsorship. How brave was I then? I don’t know. Again, it’s a mystery and I can’t believe I did that when I was not even an officer. I don’t know! I really don’t know! Well, I guess, it’s the mystery again of being in C*CATT. You can do what’s impossible. Do you agree?

It’s even a great mystery when being with C*CATT became an opposition to the person whom I respect the most—my mother. It was in second year when I learned how to make takas so I can attend the trainings and even compete in a competition! Now that’s greater bravery! Wow! I really can’t believe I was able to survive! Thinking about those memories really make me speechless. Again, I thank C*CATT for inspiring me to fight for what I am passionate about.

Sorry if this has gotten very long. I’ll end it here. I just would like you, my girls, to know how grateful I am to be in this group, in this sisterhood and I hope you are grateful for this as well. Being in this kind of organization will really hone not only your talent but your personality and your concept of commitment. Real commitment for a group is not leaving it for better or for worse. Always remember that. There are irregularities that we shall face but remember that it is always like that; it’s part of our growth as people. There will be negativities that you will encounter with people inside and outside the group but they must not stop you from doing this one thing you do best together—dancing from the heart.

For my final song, I want you to listen to “Statue” by Lil Eddie. This is more positive than “What Makes a Man.” It simply expresses how speechless and stuck I am like a statue because being with you is such so wonderful and beautiful. I don’t know what I did to deserve such great blessing. Again, it is mystery, no explanation, no solution to the equation. You are the reason for living, the reason for breathing. I just stare at what has been with you and I can say that I am the luckiest girl alive. Thank you, C*CATT Street! Farewell and until we see each other again! Muwah!

Krizelle R. Talladen

March 28, 2011