Memoirs of the Turtle

People wonder why I love turtles. It's been a long time since I started this fetish and when I'm asked with the question why, I can't help but wonder myself. Why do I love these reptiles? Others say it's yucky; others say it's badluck. And I don't care, the hell!

This already a spoiler to our TV Production group project on July 17. But unless no classmate of mine reads this entry, then I won't spoil the fun. I will be interviewed about my interest in turtles, that's why. I'm actually both nervous and excited about that project. But since that interview is just for five minutes, this entry will elaborate everything.

Let me start when my cousin's family gave me one of their turtles. I was in grade 2 then and the turtle was just as small as a mini compact powder. I placed it in a big peanut butter plastic bottle and gave it green and red pellets as food which was given by my uncle. I named it Estong after one of my cousin's friends because she named her hamster after one of her friends as well so I just imitated her. That was the first time I ever acquired a pet. Estong was my first pet. It is a turtle, a red-eared turtle by further research.

I loved Estong so much and I treated him like a brother. I fed him with a variety of pellets, fresh fish or meat, and reptile fee. I would talk to, greet, and bid goodbye to him each and every day. I would clean its jar regularly and never let a single moss build up around him.

He was fun to watch as he swam, crawled on the floor when I took him out of the jar, ate and chewed his food, closed and opened his eyes, went in and out of his shell, and responded to every stimuli around.

When father got him an aquarium at last, it was even more fun. Father and I imitated a setup in a pet shop we visited. We put a small pot in inverted position in the left side of the aquarium and filled the rest of the flooring with pebbles. When those improvements were made, Estong could already experience land and water inside his new habitat. It was cool to watch him climb on top of the pot and get dry then afterwards dive back to the water and get wet. Sometimes, he would even dig through the pebbles as if finding a buried treasure.

One time, when father was the one who cleaned Estong's aquarium, it broke accidentally. A big crack mark was imprinted on one side of the aquarium. I felt bad about it but there was nothing I could do. I just let him stay in a plastic jar again without the creative setup inside the bathroom. Once in a while, I would set him free in the bathroom floor. I would put him back in the jar before I would go to sleep.

There was a time when mother and I went somewhere and we got home late at night already. When mother went to the bathroom, she was surprised to see blood on the floor. I was so worried when mother called this out to me. I nearly cried when I saw the bloody Estong on a hidden corner of the bathroom. He was inside his shell as if afraid of something. When mother took him out, we saw some wounds on the sides of his face. She washed the blood away and poured Merthiolate on the wounds. I was just watching red-faced in front of these all. From then on, I never forgot to put him back in the jar again when I go out.

And who's our suspect to this? The rodent, the rat, the mouse, whatever you call it. We would always have a problem with the mice running around the house. Our hypothesis was that Estong had some battle with a mouse. He wasn't that small anymore at that time and his fingernails have grown long. I don't know, maybe he was even the first to attack when he came face to face with his opponent. Oh, well, I'm imagining things again like I'm an animator. Whatever happened that night, it didn't matter. That bloody experience felt like a call that I needed to be more responsible.

From as small and cute as a mini compact powder, of course, Estong grew into something much bigger than my hand. I realized his need for a bigger aquarium and maybe a companion. But ever since, the economic crisis has been a challenge for our family. There was a time when I really couldn't buy food for him anymore. Days became weeks and weeks became months. Mother talked to me and made me decide. Should I give up Estong or not?

It was a heartbreaking dilemma because I really loved Estong but I was already incapable of giving him a good life. I didn't want him to starve even though turtles could live as long as 150 years. He's not just a pet for my entertainment but also an animal which had a life. When I found out that my Ninong had this huge aquarium of turtles, I though maybe it's better if he would be there. I also thought of donating it to a zoo but I didn't want to go through the hassle. I also didn't want to sell him. No way! Imagine selling your brother! No way!

Others say that having a turtle as a pet is bad luck. I remember it was in those years that I had Estong when my parents separated and we had to move in to a different house because we couldn't afford to pay rent anymore. When I gave Estong to my Ninong, I was very sad. Father was gone. Estong was gone as well. But I never blamed Estong's presence with all the badluck. I despised the superstition with all my heart! It was never Estongs fault. Problems in peoples lives never concern an animal. I don't want to say bad words here so I'll stay calm.

From then on, I never saw Estong again. I also haven't seen my Ninong for a long time now. But Estong's pictures kept him alive and the other turtle stuff that I have. I guess that was the start of my interest in collecting inanimate turtles. Because I wasn't able to take care of a real turtle, then I'll show my love to the inanimate ones. I think that made me recover from my frustration and depression towards losing Estong. It became a medicine and a hobby at the same time.

As time passed by, I understood the role of having Estong and loving turtles in general in my life. The turtle gave me an inspiration and a definition of strength. The first thing that will come into a person's mind when he/she hears the word turtle is that it is slow. In Filipino, we even have the idioms "lakad-pagong" or "usad-pagong" which I never used. The turtle may be slow but only when it has grown up already that the shell becomes heavy. I have not seen slow-walking baby turtles, also Estong when I had him. And that's just the point. The turtle is not slow since birth. It is slow because it has a shell to carry. And that model of a turtle with a shell is what keeps me going strong no matter what. I am the turtle because no matter how heavy my burdens are, I'm still happy to live a life because once the shell is taken out off me, I won't live. Do you think the turtle can live without a shell? It's already part of his life. But other than a burden that makes it slow, it also protects him from harm. People say turtles carry their homes and that's just it. The shell may be his burden but it is also the turtle's home, his sanctuary, his refuge. The turtle isn't slow, it is strong. Its life is long. I myself want to live long that's why I idolize the turtle so much. I miss my Estong!

Later on, when i learned about the advocacy of PAWS or the Philippine Animal Welfare Society, I thought of giving up Estong as something beneficial. Animals, PAWS claims, should not be caged like in a zoo. They should be set free. For animals like dogs and cats as pets, they should be free to roam around the house as part of the family and not just tied or caged. And I think I agree to this belief. If I had known this, maybe I didn't think of of just letting Estong have a bigger artificial habitat. It would be best if I had just set him free in the sea when we went to Ilocos. I think that would make me feel a lot peaceful than just giving him away. At least, I think, it would be perfect freedom for him. Sigh! If only I had known earlier...

So this hobby of collecting turtle key chains, figurines, stuffed toys, accessories, etc. is an alternative to those who want true freedom for the living turtles. Some turtles are getting endangered nowadays especially that they have already been lined up in the series of exotic food. Oh, no! I think I will never eat a turtle! Heard of turtle soup? Oh, my! I remember a former classmate, Dreps, apologizing to me one day when she shared her experience of eating turtle soup in a restaurant. Haha! Of course, I didn't hate her. I miss you, Dreps!

to be continued...

Candle Dance

In the midst of darkness, you're the light
Shaky with the presence of air all the time
The air is your beat, your music and inspiration
Keeping you dancing through the night

But my eyes noticed your mood right now
You stood frozen with your crown of light
The music is not here, is it?
Wierd cold rainy night

I used to dance like your blue, orange, and yellow
With the presence of your beat, music, and inspiration
You know the air can kill your shine sometimes
But without it, you can never dance

Now I blow your crown out; you're still there
Just like my body who misses the street
No light but still living
Let's wait for the next windy blackout

June 23, 2009
I wrote this poem last night, inspired by the burning candle in front of me at home in the midst of a blackout.

Careless Whisper

Nothing beats your first love. Since early elementary, I already discovered that I wanted to write. I would waste tons of notebooks writing short stories for my grade school classmates to read. Late elementary introduced me to campus journalism and so I continued writing until fourth year high school for our campus paper. But in the between those writing endeavors, there's really one talent that I also want to develop and that is dancing. In my million attempts to join a dance club in school, I finally made the cut in college.

For two school years now, I became part of C*CATT Street and since I started training with the group, a whole new level of maturity came to me. I became more responsible, more condifent, and a lot healthier. I got to adjust to college easily and I got to set my foot on some wonderful experiences that made me learn more especially when dealing to people, going places, aside from enhancing hiphop/ streetdancing. I learned to love dancing and now that I have to quit becasue of personal issues, I think I always have my rebound which is my first love-- writing. In between my dancing career though, I never forgot writing.

C*CATT Street and Orange Dance Studio became part of the most exciting part of my college life and it really breaks my heart that I have to leave them. Being apart from them makes me realize that I'm never gonna dance again the way I dance with them. We dance as one and so if I dance alone, it's not bringing happiness and fulfillment. But still, nothing beats the first love.#

This is the entry I wrote for our first writing activity in Journalism class. Ms. Cathy commented a red "Very Good!" below the paper. :)

All Because I Blogged About Lin Dan

I wrote in my second blog entry that Lin Dan looks like a previous classmate of mine in grade school. Well, I don't know why but I dreamt of that classmate, John Benedict Manalo, the night after I blogged about it. I was so disturbed when I woke up that morning! Why, oh, why?

And so a string of events went on my memory. I remember this Benedict Manalo in grade one as the one whom I gave a letter in a turtle shaped stationary. I was just thankful and delighted about him when he checked my paper, maybe a seatwork or whatnot. I don't remember having a crush on him even he was good looking then. But, I don't know. I was just appreciative so I wrote him a letter and, oh my gosh, he assumed that I have a crush on him. Well, I defended myself. Sorry, Mr. Manalo. Hahaha!

Then I forgot about it already.

Just today, Monday, I started my scholar work at the College of Education office and some Tibetan Graduate school students were in the office talking to Dean De Leon. After a while, I was asked by the dean to accompany one of them to the office of Dr. Parayno at the Departmental Office. At first, I was like, ok, I'll accompany this guy... But when I saw his face, I was just dumbfounded!!! He looks like Lin Dan! Oh, no, not again! Haha! His name is Chris, as Dean De Leon introduced. Well, I hope he remembers my name. It's Krizelle! Haha!

Ok... I'm not crushing on anyone. Especially that old graduate school student. Or Benedict or Lin Dan. I was just flabbergasted with the same faces that haunted me for the past days. I still don't know what it means but it's for me to find out.

Lin Dan, Benedict, Chris. Who's next? Hahaha!

The Day I Appreciated Badminton Part 2

Then came the Women Singles Championship. This time, I'm not just enjoying the game but I'm also becoming proud of my Asian blood. Imagine? A Chinese badminton player defeated the Western defending champion? Wow! Wang Yi Han was really great and I was delighted with how she would utter a sound whenever she scores. Below are the videos of that final game. All I can say to Tina is better luck next time. Picture this, Wang Yi Han is just 19, I think, and the Danish Tina is already 20 plus years old. Very amazing Chinese girl! If only I could play as good as she is...





After a few days, my friend Anne and I went on a morning exercise at Marikina Sports Park and after jogging, we played badminton. wahahaaha! I reminisced the movements of these two great badminton players. Lin Dan and Wang Yi Han! :)

I also remember through this game when I first learned badminton in high school. It was my friend Dominique who taught me the basics and I became comfortable playing with her, not intimidated that she won champion in our Sportsfest that school year. Oh, yes, Dominique, she's a good badminton player as well... Badminton idols here they are! :)

After watching and blogging and reminiscing all these badminton stuff, I think I can already say that I'm really not a sports equipment hater. I just get frustrated that some sports wouldn't really fit me. Oh, maybe this time, I can have some future with badminton. Smash that!

The Day I Appreciated Badminton

I really don't like sports that much especially those sports with equipments. That's the reason perhaps it's running that I've always liked.

Last summer, I was able to watch the championship games of the Yonex All England Open 2009 in Studio 23, Men and Women Singles Division where they featured the game between Lin Dan of China and Lee Chong Wei of Malaysia. It sounds funny but I was only enticed to watch the game on TV because I found Lin Dan very handsome? Haha! Here I am again. But thanks to his looks, i was able to appreciate the game.

Below are the videos of the said match and I instantly became a fan of Lin Dan since I watched this on TV.



I was amused even more because Lin Dan looked like a former classmate of mine and Lee Chong Wei looked like Luigi, a bandmate of my friend. Hahaha!

I also noticed how he reacted when he finally won in the last game. It looked like a dance step that I know. Haha!

Aside from Lin Dan, there is also another badminton player that I'm a fan of. Of course, there's always the female counterpart. Check her out in my next blog entry.

First Blood: The Lady in Green

Everything happens for a reason.

I remember realizing through a paper in Philosophy class that events and details of everyday life relay a sort of omen of what will happen in the future. As in everything has its purpose. There's a reason why this is the color of my shirt, the song I heard over the radio, the dirt that caught on my face... Once I witness the connection of the present to something in the past, the my spirit works. Let me just leave the philosophical details of what I'm talking about. I'm done with Philo, comeon!!!

I just thought maybe I'm witnessing another connection in my present life to a past experience. When we had our first meeting with a professor last school year and he told us about his health story, I immediately blogged about my reaction and reflection because I was so touched my his life story and the ordeal that he was in. History repeats itself and here I am again in front of the computer, blogging about one of my professors this semester and I am so excited about what she has in store and about our subject because they all remind me of a very memorable past. Let me introduce to you, the lady in green, Ms. Cathy Babao-Guballa, my professor in Journalism.

The class would start at 3pm and my classmates asked me to ask the CAS office if the professor for our next class was around. They were shy to enter the office because the dean and the department chair were there. But I didn't mind and so I entered the office courteously and asked the secretary about our concern. Then after some browsing, the secretary pointed her finger to the lady in green sitting on the sofa with the dean and the chairperson. Oh, ok. So the prof was there. No early dismissal for us. Haha!

And so she came to class. She was in green blouse. But I was amused that she was carrying a green tumbler too. Wow. Wasn't it obvious her favorite color is green? hehe. Maybe I was right coz she even distributed green index cards for us to write on and the color of her pen was with a touch of green on the outside. Ok. Her fave color is green then. :)

But what amazes me more about her aside from we have the same favorite color is that she's doing what i wanted to do way way back, when my sole core dream was to write for a newspaper and magazine, when all i wanted was to become a journalist... I remembered my late grade school and high school life when I would write for the campus paper and became Filipino Literary Editor in senior year. That was my dream career before... And i guess i wanted to live with it again since I can never let go of my first love. Even if i learned to love dancing too, i also wouldn't want to ignore writing.

I was amazed that Ms. Cathy or Ms. C (Cathy was also the name of our paper adviser in high school!) became part of Mega and is still part of PDI. Those were the two print media that I really look up to and by just thinking of how much writing she has done, it assures me that i'm getting quality journalism instruction and it also excites me to read more of her works. Oh, my gosh! I suddenly missed my journalist life before and i think i want to get back to it. Join Chi-Rho! woooohhhh! I love writing again!

Actually, even if i was into dancing (i miss CCATT STREET!!!) for the first two years of college, i still see to it that i would fill my journal notebook, my multiply and friendster blogs with all of my writing. With exposure to hiphop music, i became fond of listening to Wave 89.1 and with radio as my third love, i also wanted to have some career in that field. With Ms. C's story, I realized i wasn't alone in this confusion of a variety of what i wanted to do. But no matter what happens, it is still writing that will remain in me for sure, just like Ms. C even if she has BA and Psych as backgounds.

It was my crush, Joseph and my E105 professor Ms. Debbie Tan who inspired me to write even more poems in the middle of my dancing career. and i guess this time, it would be Ms. Cathy who could inspire me go back to journalism again.

Ateneo. Green. Journalism. Mega. PDI

So much detail yet so much meaning...

Everything happens for a reason. God bless us all. :)